Senseless

December 1, 2009
By Fredwardness SILVER, Romeo, Michigan
Fredwardness SILVER, Romeo, Michigan
8 articles 6 photos 212 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun" -The Killers (Read My Mind)

"If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there." -George Harrison


Life is like an ocean

I'm in the middle of the ocean
treading water and swimming freely
I am happy
The sun is bright blue and high above

The the water becomes choppy and cold
My sun is gone, gone, gone
I flail helplessly agianst the waves
My happiness vanished
A wave towers above me and crashes down
I am knocked senseless


Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 6 comments.


on Aug. 12 2010 at 4:27 pm
collegegirladventures GOLD, Mequon, Wisconsin
10 articles 8 photos 307 comments

Favorite Quote:
A poet's work is to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world, and stop it going to sleep.

~Salman Rushdie

VEry true...and very good! :)

on Aug. 8 2010 at 9:34 am
SarClark BRONZE, NC, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 534 comments

I liked the last line especially, it's just like a phrase with definite finality. A way to end a poem. 

I like how you call it 'my sun', it really gives the poem a sense of deeper meaning. 


on Aug. 7 2010 at 11:45 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Good... nothing amazing but good. Simple. I liked it ok. 

on Jan. 3 2010 at 9:20 am
xenon333 PLATINUM, Billerica, Massachusetts
42 articles 0 photos 150 comments
Wow it's beautiful :)

on Dec. 17 2009 at 9:45 pm
Fredwardness SILVER, Romeo, Michigan
8 articles 6 photos 212 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun" -The Killers (Read My Mind)

"If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there." -George Harrison

=) thanks!

on Dec. 17 2009 at 6:09 pm
Arluanna PLATINUM, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
31 articles 2 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Mwahahahahaha! Now you are mine, Lesley-Bird, finally, at last, in my... oh, drat, forgot it had wings...”

-Phil, the youngest Kalins Uzin

haha, I've had this happen to me before, somersaulted backwards a few times before the water receded. Very nice poem!


SciArc

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!