Senseless

Life is like an ocean

I'm in the middle of the ocean
treading water and swimming freely
I am happy
The sun is bright blue and high above

The the water becomes choppy and cold
My sun is gone, gone, gone
I flail helplessly agianst the waves
My happiness vanished
A wave towers above me and crashes down
I am knocked senseless





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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

myworld10 said...
Aug. 12, 2010 at 4:27 pm
VEry true...and very good! :)
 
AprilEverAfter said...
Aug. 8, 2010 at 9:34 am

I liked the last line especially, it's just like a phrase with definite finality. A way to end a poem. 

I like how you call it 'my sun', it really gives the poem a sense of deeper meaning. 

 
sleeplessdreamer said...
Aug. 7, 2010 at 11:45 pm
Good... nothing amazing but good. Simple. I liked it ok. 
 
XenonG said...
Jan. 3, 2010 at 9:20 am
Wow it's beautiful :)
 
Nicovera said...
Dec. 17, 2009 at 6:09 pm
haha, I've had this happen to me before, somersaulted backwards a few times before the water receded. Very nice poem!
 
Fredwardness replied...
Dec. 17, 2009 at 9:45 pm
=) thanks!
 
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