She looks back

November 21, 2009
By blue-midnight SILVER, Hoffman Estates, Illinois
blue-midnight SILVER, Hoffman Estates, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"beauty is not blond,
love is not first sight,
family is not for gain,
respect is not a right,
knowledge is not key,
magic is not pretend,
peace is not paper,
goodbye is not the end"


I look at her,
She looks back.
Hatred in my eyes
When I see her look back.
Brown eyes pierce through mine
Disgust is my first thought.
Perfect is my instinct,
She does not meet it.
Blond, blue eyes,
that's what I want to see.
Perfect smile, perfect weight,
Those are the perfect traits.
Nobody will love you!
You are a horrible creature
She argue, She screams.
Tears come to her eyes,
Sobs escape her lips.
My own reflection is my worst enemy.

The author's comments:
This is what I feel when I look at myself in the mirror. This is the first poem I wrote. Tell me what you think and what I could do to make it better.

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This article has 4 comments.


on Jan. 11 2010 at 11:36 pm
blue-midnight SILVER, Hoffman Estates, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"beauty is not blond,
love is not first sight,
family is not for gain,
respect is not a right,
knowledge is not key,
magic is not pretend,
peace is not paper,
goodbye is not the end"

Thanks for the feedback!! To Ajibike I see what you mean, I will try to change that (both the typo and the dialogue).

To othello03 I'm not really sure how long it took but I know it took awhile. That's why now I'm putting them up on the forum, its a lot faster and you get lots of feedback.

To XCLover thanks. yea that's what basically I usually do. I have been told that before so its fine. Thanks for commenting though.

on Jan. 8 2010 at 4:54 pm
ajibike PLATINUM, Monroe, Louisiana
27 articles 0 photos 41 comments
Very good. I agree with othello's comment. I think there is a typo: I think you meant she argues..And the "internal" dialogue is a bit hard to decipher but I guess that would be easier to tell with italics and such. I like it. Great first poem (feel free to read some of my stuff and critique)

on Dec. 22 2009 at 3:57 pm
othello03 SILVER, Knoxville, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments
that's really good. i can't honestly think of any way to make it better. it well captures the self-loathing we so often feel. i wrote and submitted a poem called futility that's similar. how long did it take for this to get on the site?

XCLover GOLD said...
on Dec. 14 2009 at 7:27 pm
XCLover GOLD, Sandpoint, Idaho
18 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I know I run like a girl, try and keep up!" ~Anon
"You only ever grow as a human being if you are outside your comfort zone." ~Percy Cerutti
"The hug is incomplete without you :3" NinjaMan

It's really good already. When I'm writing poetry I just write my thoughts and feelings and just let the words flow, it looks like that's what you did so I can't really tell you how to improve on it, sorry.




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