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Not What You Expected

By , cincinnati, OH
When you're falling,
falling into the abyss,
when you do not know which way is up or down,
all you can think about is therelief of leaving this horrid world,
therelief of reachingthe bottom.

All you hear is the air rushing past you,
ruffling your clothes,
chilling your skin.

Goose bumps form,
as you realize what is really going to happen,
and not what you thought was going to happen.

The realization of logic,
that it will hurt a lot,
that it will truly kill you,
comes bubbling to the surface,
and you get scared,
and start to panic

You scream,
but nothing comes out ofyourmouth,
you flap you arms, but it's useless,
nothing can save you.

You recieve visions from your mind,
memories of the life once lived,
thoughts of unfairness,
and feelings once felt,
but never again.

How stupid you feel for once thinking these things,
yet you yearn so badly to have these once again,
but that's all useless now.

As you get deeper and deeper,
you know the end is near,
if only you could redo it all,
go back in time and stop this,
even if your life was bad.
But the Question is... would you, if given the chance?

Like so many before you have done,
you have decided to take the one precious gift god has given you,
your life,
your breath,
your chance to live what others cannot.

Why would someone be this selfish,
to abuse what your were granted,
To take what should not be taken?

The only thing you are able to think at this point is,
Why? Why was I so foolish?
The answer you may never know,
due to this one selfish act.

Just as the answer comes to you,
BAM! you have hit the bottom,
but you do not die instantly,
like you had been led on to believe.

You lay there on the cold,
wet,
hard ground,
writhing in pain,
wishing for death,
worse than before,
but you are not so lucky,
not yet.

You are left there in pain,
to regret your once,
miraculous decision,
the only answer,
your only solutions.

Your body is broken,
unable to be mended,
shattered like a broken mirror,
yet still in one piece.

You had once prayed for death to take your misery,
now you pray for death to stop the agonizing pain,
the pain no one else can imagine without experiencing it too,
pain never thought to be real,
but your prayer will go unanswered,
ungranted.

This is god's way ofdisciplining you,
of telling you,
you screwed up royally,
and he won't help you,
not this time,
not yet anyway.

You lay there suffering for what feels like hours,
cold,
alone,
and in pain,
untill finally,
your vision starts to go in and out,
slowly fading,
the pain,
dulling,
receding.

Finally,
every thing goes black as you draw your last breath,
and you close your eyes.

Was this attempt at death,
thesolution,
the answer,
what you expected?





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