Don’t talk to me, just leave me alone
And quit harassing me over the phone
If you continue and fail to leave me
Then I’ll show you how sorry you’ll be
I think you must have a really puny brain
Scratch that, I honestly think you’re insane
Not only did you and your friends egg my house
But on the doorstep you left the corpse of a mouse
So after you left I devised a plan
I will get you back. I know I can
So I came to your house in the dead of night
With ropes and a gag I tied you up tight
I had my weapon of choice, hiding in my bag
As I pulled you to the forest I let your feet drag
This is my favorite part, it made the kidnap better
When I showed the gun and your pants got wetter
It’s got boring when you began tearfully begging me
So I used my firearm and set a few projectiles free
I’m really glad I videoed the whole thing
At school I’ll show it, oh the joy it will bring!
For you see the weapon I shot with was great fun
Because it was nothing more than a paintball gun