November 5, 2009
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at first, it seemed so great. back when i thought it'd never get old. back when i thought i'd be happy doing "Just this" forever.
But, it came to the point where i wanted more. To the point where i wanted him to call me his, and i wanted to call him mine. his excuses are always the same. the fact that he exited a four year relationship over three months ago, and how he isn't ready to be with someone. in his words, "the feeling of wanting to be with someone doesn't even come to mind anymore." and yet, i don't feel that way. yet,i am in inevitably in love with someone else, i still want to be with him. only because me and that someone else will not be together. as much as both of us want to, it won't happen. and neither of us know exactly why.. i don't know how to feel. or even what to say. because i've never been in this situation. maybe it IS just lust. who knows? but, i need something more. i need another life. another attempt of a happy ending. this one just may not work out as planned.

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