California

I can not explain why I love the place I hate so much

How in once upon a time I was a young girl

Whose heart was so tampered with during the passage of time.

Where I learned at a young age to give myself self doubt

And thought myself the dirt under the feet of others

I lived that way for eight long years

I loved my family, my brothers, sister, parents and cousins

But they were so much different than me

So I tried my hardest to fit in with them

But the only thing that gave me comfort was the sound of the storm.

When made it’s way over and pushed against me

Until one day I moved to a new place

Leaving behind the world that brought me down so far

I soon found the doubts did not leave the thoughts in my head

And for eight years more I still struggled with the demons

There was no confidence in me, no sense of self

But now there was something wanting to come out

My past self did not want to be the me of then

So she struggled and scratched and climbed to her escape

She showed me the way and from a place I hate so much

It did not seem so terrible now

Because in my thoughts all I could see were the slow waves

That caressed and hugged the pier before retreating back into the sun