Why do you do this to me, no this is not the end this is not the end. No longer will this pain seek me out and hurt me so deathly, no this is not the end no this is not the end. You scream no more I will not let go, this is not over you can not beat this now no not now. I hear these voices deep inside me….now I will take control of what is mine. Your eyes are terrified your sounds will make these feelings stay and forever be in your arms, burn away all of this in the flame of my heart so painfully. Roads to run will help me by, your no longer words are denied this is what you hoped for…I will take you up and make this tragedy bleed out and chase the vengeance away. If only I can take you back to what would help me be tonight in this holy light so angry. This candle light will burn into the night seeming to suit you better than coming out with lies. Why do this to us why suffocate what belonged why torment what was loved why decade all that we are? Now on this stricken stroke of the paint brush do I seek you out only to shade in the veil that was there all a long. This tragedy does harm me so much but I still stand here holding on to life. Bleeding out of the eyes all of your hate and everything I sacrificed. I’m so messed up inside that I’m calling into the darkness looking for death as I’m lost in this place called life. Time to die…don’t you understand what I’m thinking…to dumb struck to learn from everything that killed us this very night. Oh how I am wasting tonight too deep into myself to see that you weren’t true. I can’t help but scream when I cry; I bet you think it’s weak to be like this. Promise that you are unforgiving, die die die the so called eternal hate that I feel for you, just take it back now take it all away. Show me what you think you’re doing, all my scars of this evil world still linger even though I try to wash away the fears. I’m drowning into the one thing that I hate the most about this world…my dreams to which I see you even there as I turn cold so alone so depressed inside and out. Too shooken up in my mind, I can’t realize that I’m fading into the silent tomb that I created. For this to go away I need to know what will kill me. No this won’t kill me no this won’t kill me no this won’t stop me from being what…I was before. This emotion was felt for so long, love will kill me. If only I knew what you were thinking, why did we ignore what was on our shirts. The blood is what I tried to work around, but I barely taste you now as I’m sinking into my own tears filled by sorrow. You crawl to the bed thinking I’ll be there, you scream no more, what have I become. Every time I think about you I want to go away and kill what walks the streets at night. You want to be let go as you scream no more. All on the floor what have they done what have I done. Know you’re all alone faded to black darken disastrous life is what will always remain in your heart. All I am all I want all that’s left is what I try to be myself, all that you take from me. This can’t be as I start to break inside, broken mirror smashed to shards by the person in the mirror that was me. This can’t be the one thing that you took from me; I am an outcast to everyone including me. I have to be myself what is the reason for this I tell you. I’ll always kill you killing everyone. Watch me die inside, I am an enemy to myself, your pictures sicken me. This is what’s left of myself all the anger that was kept inside is now so complicated, I can not find the light that was in your eyes. I can’t see between the lines that were drawn with the blood that I have splattered. I through you down in that hole that you trapped me in long ago, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. It’s so hard not to be shaded and crying on my knees, you pushed me one too many times and I can’t take it anymore. I refused to live your way; it’s not that I can’t believe it’s just that you won’t let me be out. Blood dripping down the wall that drips all onto the floor as you spread your fingers through me like knifes through a board. You’re always doing it your way, never wanting to end this ecstasy. Wrongfully you come and walking to me bringing the cold gift that kills me, welcome to my nightmare that will never go away. Way up this corpse is unbreakable now that you see the darkness that lives inside of me. You sing your innocents, what the heck are you doing here this is not your home this is your dungeon of fear. Again you act like you fricken know me but you want to get inside of me trying to get this pain. Trying to see you in fear trying to make you fall into despair watching as you lay cold on the bed. You don’t know what it is to be me, this will never again be, all the stuff you say all the anger, and you still don’t know what I’m all about. Your nothing with my head with my eyes, get the hell out of my horrid life. Why are you always in my fricken space trying to get in my fricken face, walking a mile in my body you’ll die under this shedding skin. Were did I go wrong, it didn’t matter what I did nothing made you love me. You still remember all that you did to me all the slit wrists, it’s because of you I’m bleeding it’s because I’m deadly suffacating. No matter what I do you always tear me down and break me like your toy that you want to play with. This is a real life, nothing fake here nothing more to see but all of my fear. All that I fear would make you shed those tears that were never even true, brothers leaving maybe even a little sinful to his mind. It’s because of you I feel dead inside; walking away from there questions and worries making them think that I’m always okay. Friends don’t understand yet they still try to make me feel…good even though only darkness will remain. Yeah I will rise against all that you stand for and all that you are. Why do this to me probably because you like to see me bleed. Scars hidden from everyone even those that I need. Why do you fake what I want to feel in this endless attack of broken shards killing everything? It’s because of them I lie all the time. I never wanted any of this to come, I never wanted to be the devils son. No just becoming a sinner in every way that’s what I hate. I hate what I’ve become. Why do this to me, why choke this fragile weakness that I hold dear to me. You won’t remember me that’s what I believe that’s what I know to this day and so on from the day I live till the day I die.
The Feeling Deep Inside
October 27, 2009