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dieing

i'm slipping deeper and deeper into the darkness,losing my sight,my hearing,myslef all together!the pain i used to feel is slowly dulling,becoming numb!the pain might be gone right now but as soon as someone says something to remind me of why i was running away i fall again,tripping but instead of hurting my legs,my knees,or arms i feel it ALL in my heart and it breaks!and as i pick myself up again and get over the pain i realize that slowly but surely i am dieing!





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xXBrokenxNightmareXx said...
Sept. 24, 2010 at 7:45 am
I know there is ALOT of typos in my poems but that was due to the fact that I didnt really have time and I typed them in a rush so there are some mess ups....Sooo im sorry D:
 
Lilacs_Smell_Wonnerful This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 3, 2010 at 3:11 pm

I have read most of your poems, and I find them really interesting and vivid. I like the word choice and imagery A LOT. But I must say that I think they would be even more amazing if you broke the lines up a bit more. For example, in this particular poem it would give the whole thing a bigger "boom" if there was blank space making you pause and think between the lines

"i pick myself up again and get over the pain i realize that"

"slowly but surely i am dieing!"

Just my vi... (more »)

 
xXDeadxSoulXx replied...
Sept. 9, 2010 at 10:33 am

Thanks so much for the advice...I was normally gonna take and do that but at the time I was so busy I never really had the time but now that I have more time I try to take and do that more often....As a matter of fact I have 4 new poems pending that I did that in so yea :D But thank you so much :)

 

 
Lilacs_Smell_Wonnerful This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 9, 2010 at 6:39 pm

Cool! I can't wait to read the new poems when they come out! :)

-Lilac

 
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