There is this trail of sickness that flows deeply into me from the girl that I loved. All the darkness…all so restless, she infused me with faltered emotions that make me fall. It makes me fall down into the cold endless walkway of doom.
Actions of your own determine what lies under my heart. Fixed on your soul and rosy blush-red lips to where I become lost in a pool of loneliness that turns me away from everyone else. No reason of justification…no, only pity and worthless words of false reasoned comfort.
I was tricked by her because I was consumed by such feelings. Feelings of being so overjoyed in my mind for which my dream became a reality, that I was blinded and therefore could not see her cruel intentions. I became clouded in mind by my own emotions that surfaced when she caressed my heart with her eyes that smile and with her touch that makes me not alone. This was a simple break-up for which felt to last a centaury but only swayed in a days worth. Yet, this was no ordinary break-up; no this was, for as it would seem deeper than any other only because of that mark she left on my heart from once long ago. Her words and actions cut deeper then the deepest trenches of hell but not through the plains of that fiery dimension does the pain rome, but in my heart for where it lies in there torturing me in every way possible. I still felt for her even though she felt not for me in the same way.
But one day!? Was her mind so quickly succumbed to reality and a thought of wrong doing in just one short episode? Oh these eyes never had seen such quicken pace in ones heart for it seems as though no heart was placed into those words of which she’d spoken on this late day.
Was she rushed by feelings of loneliness and grief or did she just need an excuse to forgive her new lover? But she crushed him with similar ending words in a similar time as she did on to me. Millions of questions still, now as it were, continue to savage through my thoughts torturing me always until answers come force from her mouth and speak gently to them with comfort to quiet them.
I was only given but one kiss as a memory of our barely considered to be courtship. Given it more thought, it now feels like her last parting gift to me, as if there at that moment it meant the end of us in a not so direct way or meaning.
I still ramble in my mind why she put an end to my fantasy so quickly. This girl that I feel for, this girl I love…I believe, doesn’t give love back. I feel as though she has taken my love with obligated feelings after playing with it and raping it around her finger decides to just throw it out. This girl with an absolute mind decides after crushing, burning, chaining, strangling, and finally with boredom just throw my love away……
Though, I should have learned from past mistakes that she would, if she got the chance, torture me once again. I, a stupid lamb, have fallen for a lion and one who preys on the fallen and downhearted, it would seem through my eyes and heart. I wished not there to be an end to us but she took action as if to read ones mind and mine she did. She foresaw how deep my feelings for her reached and felt that one day with her beauty to call my own was enough to strike through me with hurtful fist-clenching heart baring pain. I only wish once more to caress her tender cheek and hold her before me as though the world is about to end and everyone else wouldn’t matter. I tried to show as kind, caring, and gentle seemingly okay as possible after she broke me for the second time in our lifetime as when I accepted her empty hearted, ‘let’s go out’ words.
I could not show my true pain that once lay dormant in my heart that rises again for she might guilty herself into another false courtship with me. Even though I know it will be fake for her, it still feels so dreamful and comforting. I would again throw myself into fire’s path by accepting another relationship with her but in the end my heart would brake and stay shattered forever if she where to crack it a third time.
*Sigh*
I feel the pain so deeply seeded inside me now. My lonely darkness welcomes me back with more love then she, the girl, ever gave me. I guess, screw me for even trying to feel love and wanting to breathe once again.