Hide and Seek with an Old Friend

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My hand trembles, the phone drops.
I threw myself to the ground and grabbed for a consoling hand.
I couldn’t think straight.
All I could think of was where things went from there.
By the tone in his voice I read divorce,
But his words said Rehab.

I didn’t see this coming.
I was terrified, I didn’t know her any other way.
My friends called her the “cool” mom.
After downing a few glasses,
she was always the life of my parties.
That’s how I knew her, and I was okay with that.

14 years amounted to a drunken marriage and drunken friends,
but drunken feelings seemed to be in the dark.
A smile was her daytime companion,
The bottle was her late night companion.
To be honest, her addiction was her most lovable companion,
Until her lifetime companion decided enough was enough.
“The bottle, or me.”

Countdown: two weeks.
Two weeks I had until she’d be gone for four.
Long walks in the Texas heat were where I got lost in thought.
All I could imagine was dirty halls, dirty people, and dirty sheets.
I slept in bed with her and watched movies as an attempt to distract our minds.
She wasn’t embarking on this journey alone, she would never be alone.

Vulnerability
was the feeling that overcame us as we entered the Center.
We sat in the lobby, which for me was the hardest part.
She wore her jet-black sunglasses,
An attempt to conceal her mascara stained eyes.
I myself rolled my blue eyes back to catch my tears from falling.
I whispered to myself, “Stay strong, just stay strong.”

We left her with a pink teddy bear my dad and I made.
If she squeezed the heart, it would thump.
If she pressed the stomach, it played a recording of us saying
“One step at a time.”
We hoped it’d make her feel more at home,
But home, stability, and comfort was distant to all of us.



Defined by the struggles she learned to overcome.
Never again defined by her disease, the one that trapped her.
She wasn’t, and still isn’t alone.
Being an alcoholic is a game of hide and seek.
Even though she will always try to hide it with a smile,
The clock is always ticking until she finds it again.
But a new leaf is overturned, she will resist.





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