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still doll

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You know theres…this feeling
A feeling of euphoria whenever I see you
Its been there as long as I can remember
I cant ever picture seeing you without it
Even now
But now the feeling isn’t alone
It mixed with a
heart breaking jaw clenching finger curling eye numbing pain
that also only occurs when I see you
but mainly when I see you with her
though the thing is…its not only one girl
its several
its not only some random unknown faceless girl either
its always one of my closest friends
and the pain…oh the pain
it hurts so much
and I cant help but think that Im the cause of it
not you
because even though you used me to get to them
I let it happen over
And over
And over again even though I knew it was going on
Cause I wanted to believe that you felt the same way once more
Cause I want to believe you were telling the truth
When you told her you loved me
We went back to dancing our sick twisted waltz of
Deceit
Lies
Fake feelings
And false assumptions
And I glide through the steps so elegantly
For I know the steps so well
And right before the end before the princess kisses the prince
I fall
I fall through the tunnel
Forever playing my mistakes
My shattered hopes that maybe this time will be different
That maybe this time will be real and true
And the images break and shower me with their glass shards
And right before I hit rock bottom I land in the net you wove
This time not of fake emotions and whispers of nothings
But of the gentle loving protective friendship
I cherished before the first dance
But only for a bit
But only until you feel the need to use me again





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