so hard

October 1, 2009
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i try so hard. to be strong i know god is my strength . i stand tall with my head up feeling the blows but not moving an inch . im in a jail within my self. i just wanna scream . no one to turn to . feeling as if everything that happens is my fault. i try to be strong and look to god for all my needs. but it gets so hard. not free until i leave through that door. into a world that knows nothing but my smile. and does not see my broken, battered heart,. i try so hard to turn the other cheek. and be a soldier. buts its hard i cant anymore. i wanna give up so bad. idk wat to do but try harder. but ive faught a good fight and i cant fight anymore. now i have to rebuild the wall that i let down only a second ago. i try so hard not to build it so tall and tall. becuase i want to let others in but if i let one in all will come. even the unwanted. i keep a smile to hide my pain. i see him there i just feel like i cant reach him. only one person to talk too. but my fears overcome me.
my heart hurts. and i feel broken physically and mentally. and i just plead lord help me . i just wanna go somewhere and escape but, there is no place to go. im tired of crying , im tired of feelings. that one person in the world that should understand doesn't . and it makes my world 3 times worse. but their is a greater feeling than pain. its love the kind that you can only get from a savoir





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