Quicksand

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It’s a shadow creeping in the night
Slowly approaching your innocent face
Licking your plump cheeks
With its Devil’s tongue

You can’t monopolize it,
It spreads like wind in your hair
But you never let go of your guards

The feeling is too close now
You start to cry the tears you’ve held back
They dribble down from your azure eyes
They leave a moist trace behind them
They are like a sticky memory
Only this one evaporates quickly

Finally, just when the last brick of your wall
Threatened to crumble down
The light appears, your star shines bright
And you soar

The fear which envelopes your body
Similar to quicksand
Will never surface again





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Mercedes B. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 4, 2010 at 7:40 pm
this was really gritty and well written and i liked it :) however, i would change the last stanza. something that sinks into quicksand won't resurface, but you're making it seem like it's the quicksand that won't resurface, and that doesn't make much sense.
 
EdytD said...
Dec. 1, 2009 at 8:57 pm
I think it's really interesting, and you've got fabulous graphic imagery. It seemed to me that the last few lines are almost ironic, b/c just like problems resurface, so too is quicksand never truly gone. I might have been reading that the wrong way, though.
Also, just as a side point, you have a tense shift in the second to last stanza (threatened...shines). But aside from that, fabulous job!
 
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