A Chance.

September 20, 2009
By yourbiggestfan BRONZE, Cudahy, California
yourbiggestfan BRONZE, Cudahy, California
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

I guess I may be selfish, and I guess I might be
uncaring. But there are reasons for my being inconsiderate.
The fact that I am weak against you, leaves me vulnerable to
Your games and your taunts. But your smile and charming
Disposition always draws me back, as if you were a drug.
I got addicted…Just dying to see you, just to be there. but
My feelings put up personal restrictions to keep me away,
Allowing me a chance to recuperate. I find reasons to
Hate you. I listen to songs to help me forget. It seems
To be working, but then there you are, being delusive again,
it’s almost routine.

So I try again, I try to break that façade that you have
perfected over the years. I try to get you to let me in, and
In some way I do succeed, but it is always incomplete. I am
confrontational about your inability to open up, but with
that sharp tongue and acid wit of yours, you immediately
retaliate. Telling me how I also only allow you to know
Half of anything I tell you. You are right, I cannot deny it.
But I am too stubborn to let it be me who is wrong, so I
Get defensive, and because of me, we fight. And in my
Pitiful attempts at making things less problematic for
Both of us, I end it all, because I know that it will all get
Better, and I know that it is probably for the best…

I am unsure of my decision, because it may have been
Drastic. But I want to see what is best for you, I am going
To be selfish. I am going to do the things in a way so that
They contribute to the things that I want. And what I want
Is, for you to be happy. And because of my ugly needs and
Wants, I will never allow you to be happy. So I am just
Going to let you go. My mind tells me not to do this, but
You once told me you didn’t want to break me, and you
Are right, you can break me, and you have. And I think I’ve
Done the same, and I am going to try to do whatever it
Takes to make myself disappear from the existence that
Surrounds you. To stop further damage.

Hopefully I’ve weakened that wall you put up
Enough to let someone who doesn’t hurt you have the
Ability to completely tear it down.

The author's comments:
"If I can make scars, do I have the powers to heal them?"

-The Butterfly Effect

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