Florid Flower

September 7, 2009
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The dank petals on the flowers,
Usually let the sunrays,
Absorbs the aqua...

Yet the water droplets,
Seem to resist the sun,
On the long florid flower petals,
As it glitters through out the, Garden

As through it was a shining Star...

As people walked through the Garden,
Seeking throughout the flowers,
All the flowers blended in,
As a blur...

Until they glimpsed,
At that silky florid flower...

People seemed to cherish it,
As if it were there favorite...

Time passed by,
And it seemed as the florid flower,
Is old news...

Everyone swarms to the garden yet, Pasts the poor florid flower,

The more the florid flower is Ignored,
The more it looks parched up...

No flowers last forever...

A few days passed,
A new flower grown in place...
Will it have the same old story, That the poor old Florid flower, Had?

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Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 18, 2009 at 5:50 pm
good job with the wonderful descriptions :) however, i will have to be honest and tell you I did not like "absorbs the aqua" b/c it makes it sound too under-the-water-ish....i would leave it at "water"not "aqua" also, may be better word choice and descriptions? Poetry is soo condensed (it should be!) that you need teo fill it with details, but careful not to LITTER it with unnecessary words! good job and keep writing b/c that is the only way to get better :D
RLJoy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 18, 2009 at 6:04 pm
thanks so much for the comment :)
Hope_Princess said...
Oct. 3, 2009 at 8:49 am
What a pretty poem!
I love the descriptions you gave at the beginning.
For some reason this poem reminded me of a beautiful new girl at a school who gets all of the attention, and then she gets passed by when another girl comes to the school and steals all of the glory she had once had. -Just my thoughts.
Beautifully done!
RLJoy replied...
Oct. 3, 2009 at 8:56 am
thanks for the comment
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