I’m here today to talk to you about obesity among the fast-food industries. Once upon a howdy dooda, old McDonald had a farm, emphasis on the HAD, all those click-cluckin’ oink moo bastards are wrapped tight between two bun patties, Burger Punk for a nickel you can super size it! 89 cents for a lighter to throw some California tree in my happy meal and if you spin the flint hard enough you can watch little Peter cottontail hoppin’ down the bunny trail, pickin’ up the prairie dogs and pfft, boppin’ ’em on the head, but what I probably love most about Idaho is the salad with the little baby carrots, throw on some bacon bits and BOOM you gotch yourself a party, and you ask yourself if it’s a good idea to invite that one guy from work that always wears the pocket protectors that nobody really likes and you know it isn’t, but you do it anyways because you’re a moron! E-I-E-I-O.
This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.