Withdrawal | Teen Ink

Withdrawal

May 6, 2019
By abby14 BRONZE, Waukesha, Wisconsin
abby14 BRONZE, Waukesha, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

My eyes opened           Light

                                    

The hospital room        In sight     


You


Next to me.

           



              

                           Hey

your voice

echoed                           

                          How you feeling

dead I thought

alive I replied

                          Like you just woke up after a 2 month nap

true.

I laughed

 

 

memories    flooded

                   

my               vision

                   

car               crashed


sirens           screamed

 

 

reality

              snapped

awake

             

your

              eyes


the first

thing I see

                        gorgeous

I thought

as you began

to speak

                      what are you looking at?

everything

nothing

 

 

my feet

touch the ground

                              want some help?

                              might be hard after 2 months

you

grabbed my arm

keeping me safe


with you everything

feels                                safe  

 

 

vending machines

                                 have

                                              everything

you walked me

                                walked with me


m & m’s

                                 fell from the wall of food          


as our hands

                                 touched


and our eyes

                                 met       


 

our hands               joined

as you walked me

to my hospital bed

 

 

conversation filled the air

                                           feeling better?

I sat in thought

how do I respond


sure I answered

after contemplation               

 

 

alex got me


a bear

           small

 

but

           gorgeous


like you


 

my eyes got heavy


as my head rested on the pillow


and my arm wrapped around the

                                                    bear

 

 

when the sun shined through the

                                                     curtains

my eyes opened


looking around for

                             anything

I found

          nothing


no alex

 

 

love filled the air


as alex

              beautiful as always


stepped through the doors


leading into my hospital

                                      room

 

 

                                           feeling better yet?

no I thought to say

yes I replied

 

 

mom entered the room        

                                         the doctor said two more days!

                                        sam ?


 

my eyes opened to the sight of

                                                   doctors


conversation in the distance

                                                   mom and nurse

 

 

the word

             sam


lingered in the

                        air


as conversation in the distance

                                                   mom and nurse

died down

 

 

what? I thought


mom? what just happened

                                           you blacked out

again

         gone,

                    dead

to

   the

         world

 

 

Alex didn’t leave me

                                   until

I was better

                  two days


two more days

 

 

mom walked in

                         shaking

 

is she ok? my brain echoed

                                              the doctors want you to stay

                                              one more day

 

 

three more days

                          torture


I want my bed

                       heavenly

 

 

alex stumbled in

                        

vending machine

                             m & ms in hand


eyes red

               from tears?

alex

               sad?


is everything okay?

                                   yeah why?

                                   

                             

 

two more days

                        boring

nothing to do

                        but think

 

 

days going by

                      slow     

alex

        by my side

 

 

hands together

                         alex and mine

happiness

                  In sync

 

 

falling deeper

                       love?


it can’t be


 

alex was

                 running through my mind


all day

 

 

one more day

                      happiness

nothing to do

                      but think

 

 

I woke to


the face


of an

          angel

alex

 

 

the hospital bed

                          uncomfortable


the nurses

                  boring


the food

              plain


the pain

              numbed

 

 

the light shined

                         perfectly


alex was

                glowing


gorgeous

 

 

love?

               pulling me


maybe

 

 

Alex

                         beautiful

more the usual

                         walked in


our hands met

                        I wanna be with you

 

 

Home sweet home


my bed

            brighter


than the sky

 

 

school     feels     different


when       love      is in sight

 

 

class 1                 math


where you're the smartest

                                                 the kindest


when I don’t know what I’m doing


you

         save

                     me

 

 

class 2                  science


boring          


you not in

                 view

 

 

class 1


class 2


class 3, 4, 5

                      6, 7, 8

all the same

                      faded

in my mind

                      you  

 

 

alex walked me

                           home


2 hours go by


head rested on your stomach


movie blaring in the

                                background

 

 

Cuddling

                 long

warm

                 safe

 

 

you had to

                   leave

but

       you


stayed in my mind

                             all

                                  night

 

 

I think

              love

is true?

 

 

                        I wanna take you

                        on a trip

fun

where?

                        do you trust me?

 

 

alex

         grabbed my

                              hand

pulling


me

      somewhere?

 

 

the car started


a restaurant

pulled

          into

view

                        you need to eat, lots

 

 

number 1, 2 and 3


we ate

           more

than

         we


can hold.

 

 

stomach ache

                       grow

as we


drove

           faster

                      farther  

 

 

30 minutes


go by

          oblivious


to what

             where


we’re going

                     


 

I will

        do


anything

everything

                   for

                           alex

 

 

we drove

                music blaring

hands

           intertwined

 

 

we walked up

                        to

a door


random

              house

new

        friend?

 

 

the table was

                      flooded


with every type of

                              drug

 

                              pick your poison

                              you said

                              as you looked

                                                       my way

 


 

alex

            fine


me?

            unstable

 

 

heart

          racing


hands

           shaking

 

 

I don’t know

                     what

I took.


alex

             trustworthy?


gave it to me

                       this is my favorite

 

 

legs numbed

                       to

the earth


heart numbed

                        to

the pain

 

 

alex gave me

                        more

and

        more

as


my heart

                raced

and


my hands

                  shook

 

 

unstable?


more like

                 alive

 

 

the pain

              faded


as I

       pumped


more and

                 more


stuff?


In my

         arm

 

 

I walked

            wobbled


to the kitchen


as alex

             high


started to say

                       sam, be with me?

 

 

contemplation


yes:


of course

                 yes


no:


I don’t

           deserve

you

 

 

alex gave me

                       more

this time

             better

this time

             stronger

 

 

I went

          home


head pounding


ears ringing

 

 

my

      bed


softer than

                   normal

 

 

the thought

                  of


alex

                     expanded


in my mind

 


 

my

     heart

               mind

                        body

craved

           more

 

 

dating?

          alex

                                    maybe?

my brain

              blank


memory

            of yesterday


                                     gone

 

 

alex

          smiled

my


heart

          raced

 

gorgeous

 

 

alex opened my

                          eyes

to

   more.

 

better

 

 

school

            gone

the


drugs

           took


over

 

 

alex

          shinned


brighter

             each


taste

 

 

drugs

           life?


alex

           love?

 

 

a way

            to

escape


from

         pain


from

         brokenness

 

 

a cave of drugs


a hole

          I

dug

 

 

alex showed

                     me

a

   new

            life.


better

 

 

the table still

                    flooded

with

       every

                  type

of

   drug

 

 

not a dent

                  from

yesterday?

 

 

me?


gone

         

falling

          off


lost

 

 

alex?


here


holding

            on


safe

 

 

indifferent


closer

           than


ever  

 

 

the more

               drugs


the more

               love


pulled

 


me

 

 

I need

             to be

high


my

      body


craved

            it

 

 

day

      after

day

 

no

     memory

of

     yesterday

 

 

falling

           deeper


love?


or

    drugs?

 

 

is this

          real?


or a

       trip?


bad or

           good?

 

 

drugs


smiled

           at


me

 

 

drugs

 

called

          to


me

 

 

$30

      ½ gram


alex

       sold


day in

          day out

 

 

                  We have to go meet up with my boss


i agreed


knowing


her

      job

   


 

we drove


1 hour


a creepy


broken

            down


home

 

 

we entered

                   the house


not expected


what’s

           going

to


happen

 

 

alex walked

                    me

                            this is my boss, be nice

 

 

we entered a


small


dark

        room


 

I felt a

          hand


push


me

 

 

I fell back


into

      the


closet

 

 

the door

              slammed

locked

 

 

whispers slide


into the

             closet

as


alex and the boss


fought?

 

 

                               I love you

rushed into


the

     closet

 

 

alex fell to the

                        ground


leg wet from the

                           fear


gunshots echoed

 

 

the sound


loud


echoing

     


 

 

bam



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