“I am sorry”

I say for probably the 50th time today

I’m always apologizing for something

Even if I didn’t do anything wrong

Walking through the hallway

We bump into each other

I feel like i’m in the way

I’m sorry

I’m Happy, telling a long story

I feel like i’m talking too much

I’m sorry

Explaining why I was upset

I feel like I’m overreacting

I’m sorry

We both reach for the pan

I accidentally brush my hand against yours

“Oh im sorry”

Telling you how I feel

Expressing my pain

“I’m sorry for bothering you with my problems”

YOU did something wrong?

“I’m sorry I got upset because of what YOU did”

I can feel people getting annoyed

I say sorry too much

I’m sorry, I need to stop.

Maybe

I say “sorry” so often

Because I wish others who have hurt me would’ve said “sorry” more

Sometimes I genuinely am sorry for what I did

But

Most of the time it’s from habit

I feel like I need to say it or that person will be upset with me

Honestly, majority of the time I don’t know what i’m sorry for

Sorry for being myself?

I shouldn’t be

But right now, in this moment, surprisingly I do know what i’m sorry for and i’m not just saying it out of habit or because i feel like i need to. I’m actually really sorry

I’m sorry for hurting you

I’m sorry i’m confusing you

I’m sorry for not trying to fix this

It all just became too much and too exhausting

I try to explain to you, but my throat is dry, my voice is cracking, and i’m lost for words

My head is pounding like a symphony of drums

My heart is jumping out of my chest

But i guess that just shows me how painful love can be

I never thought it would be this way

I hate this

I’m sorry