When I fall apart in my mother’s lap

crushed so hard by the pressure that I can’t breathe

She says all I need to do is my best

And I nod because that’s just something that moms say

Because moms will love you anyway

When I cry in class because the tears just can’t wait a second longer

And my reputation has already crumbled to dirt

Nothing that a few tears will hurt

My teachers try to console me with empty words of encouragement

“All you can do is your best”

And I feel a tightness in my chest

I cry harder

When I compare my test grade with my peers

And I start to hear a ringing in my ears

As I come realize my deepest fears

My score is garbage.

“At least you tried your best” they say

The golden words taught to them from childhood

Now meaningless

And on the inside they’re smiling

Because I’m one less person they have to compete with

And they’re already stretched further than I am

Pulled so tight that they may snap like a rubber band

Heavy eyelids, Heavier textbooks

Treated like high schoolers, taught like college students

sometimes I envy them

Their motivation

The validation

They get from adults

Who have forgotten what it’s like

To be young and afraid

And you know, I was the one who used to get praised

I used to be the girl

Who devoured books

But now reading just feels like work

The big fish doesn’t seem so big in the ocean

And now I’m starting to get the notion

That I’m not a fish

But in fact a frog

You know, minnows look the same as pollywogs

My gills are long gone

And in the ocean I will never thrive

I’m simply trying to stay alive

keep my skin from going dry

As I float in this school of fish and cry

And All I need to do is TRY

I’ve spent my whole life learning how to swim

Not how to hop

So how can I possibly come out on top?

I try

how will I know when I’ve tried MY BEST?

It may not be the same as the rest

And why does school make me so depressed?

I feel like I could be doing more.

I feel like I am not enough

That maybe my workload should be more tough

But It’s already hard

Trying to balance everything on jumpy hands

I don’t have time to befriend the fish

And sometimes I wish

That high school was high school

college was college

and learning was all about gaining knowledge

Ponds were ponds

oceans were oceans

That swimming wasn’t the only motion

I have lungs

I can’t breathe under water

And it’s hard to be a fish’s daughter

They’re waiting for me

To swim or sink

My head is too full

For me to think

This water is too salty for me to drink

I wish they’d told me I’d lose my gills

That I’d have to take special pills

they all tell me I need to try my best

But they’re hoping that I’ll fail the test

So they can look better

And impress the sharks

And what I’m saying may be dark

But they can’t wait for me to drown so they can feed off my carcass

I know because maybe I’d delight

In a few

of those fish

Going belly up too

Which is wrong

Because to succeed no one has to fail

And no one has to sink

To be able to sail

Why do they teach us

That we need to compete?

And make us take classes

That only teach us to cheat?

And make us cry

And make us so miserable that we want to die

And it’s just a simple question why?

There’s a difference between being prepared for college

And doing college and high school at the same time

And the water is brackish in the pond

And we’re still not ready for what’s beyond

Ponds are ponds

Oceans are oceans

I’m just going through the motions

Fish are fish

And frogs are frogs

Someone save the pollywogs