you were gone from school today, i sat
behind your empty chair and almost
swore i could see outlines of
your body moving like it
had the day before, like
some animated
chalk person,
bright and
gone.

you are beautiful and you are hidden,
all the while you show yourself to me.
she had told me to live in the moment,
see, so i rubbed your back and asked
you questions. cried and breathed on
your body. kissed your head and ran
away.

i wanted to kiss you in that moment,
your eyes downturned and pleading.
i knew if i had, i would have gotten
carried away, you would have gotten
carried away. you, and your arms out
and your small smile, but it had been
carried away and it was gone.

to experiment is not fair to you, not
fair to my mother, not fair to God. to
experiment is to kill myself. then why
(your red hair) do you (tiny teeth)
enter my mind (small hands) at all
times (furrowed brows), every time.

sometimes, my thoughts look like:
i want you. i want you and your trail
of young philosophers behind you. i
want you and the force behind your
eyes. i want you and the naked space
on the side of your neck. i want you.

gone and bright, person chalk animated
some like, before day the had it like
moving body your of outlines see
could i swore almost and chair
empty your behind sat i,
today school from
gone were
you.