Toxic

December 25, 2017
By Deiara Moore SILVER, Baltimore, Maryland
Deiara Moore SILVER, Baltimore, Maryland
5 articles 3 photos 0 comments

I hate you, I hate you so much
But A part of me can't get enough
So maybe I don't hate you at all
I wish I didn't answer your texts or call
I really wish I could bring myself up to hate you
You're so mean to me and I cant take you
First we're having fun together and we're okay
Then things go south and I don't know what to say
You yell at me, throw threats at me, and you call me out my name
In the beginning of all this, things were fine but now it's not the same
People told me that you're no good for me and I didn't listen
There is a side of you that scares me but I keep that fear hidden
I say or do the wrong thing and you get mad
After you get angry, I get quiet cause your yelling made me sad
I try to not let you get under my skin
Sometimes I regret letting you in
I heard about your past and the things you did
I wanted to be like them so I said the things that I said
But you found out I wasn't like them and that made you mad
Like always, you yelled at me and called me a liar
I wish I could keep my distance but I keep feeding into the desire
You're addicting and I can't stay away
I try to not feed in but I always do during the day
I guess you're happy that I'm in your hold
I like when you're not heartless and cold
I wanted to help you but I made things worse
And the worse part is that I'm the one that got hurt
I told my friends that I know you'll break my heart
I knew it was dangerous to love you from the start
But I got too attached and I fell in love
You became a priority and I didn't put nobody else above
Maybe the way I am and the way I act is something you will always hate
That's probably why I'm not the one you wanted to date
You wanted her and she's the one you went after
No matter how much you and I smiled and was filled with laughter
Deep down I knew that you would choose her
I never understood what we were
I was confused as we spent time
I couldn't get mad that you wanted other girls because you wasn't mine
I made jokes about it even though it was killing me inside
My feelings for you were strong and they was hard to hide
I thought things was going well
Then everything fell
She told me that you didn't change your ways
You made me feel happy while you still tried to get her those days
You told me one thing and told her another
You said you was different but you're just like the others
You're saying you don't want me to hurt you but I'm the one hurting
But you don't care, you continued the flirting
Why would you made me feel this way if you don't want to date me?
Maybe things did go south because now you hate me
When you told me that you did
So many things went through my head
The jokes weren't funny and the tears started to form
This whole thing with you started a storm
A storm filled with happiness, sadness, anger, and hatred
I want you and I thought you wanted me back so I waited
But waiting for you felt like waiting for rain in a drought
It seem pointless but I still hoped it would come out
I wanted things to be good between us but I guess I wrecked it
I didn't want negativity to be apart of it but I should have expect it
I just wanna apologize to you
Im sorry for the things I put you through
Many people would say I don't have nothing to say sorry for
But I am sorry for the things that happened before
If you want this to be the end then I have to understand
But I don't want things to end, that's not what I had planned
Sometimes I want you to leave me alone
But I'll miss you when you don't text my phone
Talking to you is the highlight of my night and day
Maybe you are toxic to me but I don't want you to stay away
I may be stupid for not letting you go
But these are the things that I'm letting you know
Im attached to you and maybe its not good on my behalf
You do make me sad and scared sometimes but you also make me smile and laugh
So you may be toxicating but I'm addicted
Though it might be bad for me, I don't want to quit it


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