My memories of you are like a scabby lip.
I can’t help but smile,
yet it tears open old wounds.

I was blind-sided
Because I didn’t know my love was unrequited.
You knew I couldn’t see,
But you took solace from my stupidity.
I was only a boost to self-esteem.
You slept well, knowing you were in my dreams.

Then why am I gratified by being used?
Maybe it’s the excitement of being betrayed and abused.
It’s because you make me feel where there was none.
Easy prey is boring, but the chase is fun.

You’re the first I’ve loved, and the first I’ve hated.
My will stays strong, yet my heart’s abated.
I’m fueled only by the hints of your constant flirting
That makes me ignore the anger and hurting.

But then I realize,
What happens when my entire life
Becomes the only source of strife?
What happens when I want you to die,
But I’d see your corpse and cry?
What happens when you’re my fear,
But I’m willing to persevere?

I suppose I could never smile and let my wounds heal
Or…
I can embrace the moments and grin widely
And the blood pouring in my mouth can be the sweetest wine.
For why do I need you in my grasp
When you can’t escape the fantasies of my mind?