A Gilded Curse

September 9, 2014
By TheSortingHat SILVER, Waukee, Iowa
TheSortingHat SILVER, Waukee, Iowa
8 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I want to be a Renaissance woman. I want to paint, and I want to write, and I want to act, and I want to just do everything." --Emma Watson


Far-flung daydreams, hollow words,

Angel kisses, empty verse;

But then, too quickly falling:

Not comprehending your curse.

You clung then, still so tightly

To last remnants of dear dreams

But they could never save you,

No one heard your final screams.

Like a sky-bird once soaring,

You believed that you could fly;

Until wingless and songless

You dropped listless from the sky.

Wispy-silver tumbledown

Amongst heavens still so blue,

But wishes never realized—

Promises never came true.

Still the sun shines on, taunting,

With visions of gilded gold;

“Look away now, don’t heed it”—

If only you’d once been told.


The author's comments:

To me personally, this symbolizes the dangers of dreaming too far beyond your means, and chasing after false promises--but, of course, it's up to you how you interpret it. :)


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This article has 3 comments.


on Sep. 16 2014 at 8:59 am
Extraterrestrial SILVER, Singapore, Other
9 articles 4 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it's a plan!"

Are they? I noticed you have great rhythm, but didn't stop to count the syllables, haha. Don't worry, I'd say you did accomplish to extend that analogy. Glad you're okay with me being a complete creep.

on Sep. 15 2014 at 7:53 pm
TheSortingHat SILVER, Waukee, Iowa
8 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I want to be a Renaissance woman. I want to paint, and I want to write, and I want to act, and I want to just do everything." --Emma Watson

As far as the articles go, I definitely concur that a few more sprinkled in there might have helped with flow--however, each line is exactly seven syllables, so often articles are the first things I cut from a line to maintain that structure.  I don't know if that was a good choice or not, but stylistically, it's what I went with for this piece, at least. :P I love rhyme, as well!  I've been a free verse girl for years, but I'm beginning to embrace the rhyming side of poetry more.  And yes, the poem is a subtle (or maybe not-so-subtle?) nod to Icarus; it's essentially an extended analogy that applies that concept to real situations (or at least, I'd like to believe that it accomplishes that--whether or not I actually achieved that is another question entirely). And my goodness, that's quite a high compliment!  Please, stalk away; I'm flattered. :)  There should be something new up (probably a poem, I have quite a queue of those) within the next week.

on Sep. 15 2014 at 3:25 pm
Extraterrestrial SILVER, Singapore, Other
9 articles 4 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it's a plan!"

I feel that some of the sentences sound rather awkward... for example, lines 3-4. They could also flow better with more definitive articles ("To the last remnants of dear dreams"). This could just be me; it's currently three-thirty A.M. and my brain might be haywire. Anyway, this is a really great piece. Love the use of alliteration, and it rhymes so nicely too (I adore rhyme, so I may be kind of biased there)! I get the sense of... the speaker holding on to past memories ("...last remnants of dear dreams") and using those memories to get through his or her dark days. But that's only a temporary solution at best, and they'll fall sooner or later. Is this allusion to Icarus intentional? (Also, you should be aware that I'm quite blatantly stalking you for your new work.)


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