A Gilded Curse

Far-flung daydreams, hollow words,

Angel kisses, empty verse;

But then, too quickly falling:

Not comprehending your curse.

You clung then, still so tightly

To last remnants of dear dreams

But they could never save you,

No one heard your final screams.

Like a sky-bird once soaring,

You believed that you could fly;

Until wingless and songless

You dropped listless from the sky.

Wispy-silver tumbledown

Amongst heavens still so blue,

But wishes never realized—

Promises never came true.

Still the sun shines on, taunting,

With visions of gilded gold;

“Look away now, don’t heed it”—

If only you’d once been told.






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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

Extraterrestrial said...
Sept. 15, 2014 at 3:25 pm
I feel that some of the sentences sound rather awkward... for example, lines 3-4. They could also flow better with more definitive articles ("To the last remnants of dear dreams"). This could just be me; it's currently three-thirty A.M. and my brain might be haywire. Anyway, this is a really great piece. Love the use of alliteration, and it rhymes so nicely too (I adore rhyme, so I may be kind of biased there)! I get the sense of... the speaker holding on to past memo... (more »)
 
TheSortingHat replied...
Sept. 15, 2014 at 7:53 pm
As far as the articles go, I definitely concur that a few more sprinkled in there might have helped with flow--however, each line is exactly seven syllables, so often articles are the first things I cut from a line to maintain that structure.  I don't know if that was a good choice or not, but stylistically, it's what I went with for this piece, at least. :P I love rhyme, as well!  I've been a free verse girl for years, but I'm beginning to embrace the rhyming side of... (more »)
 
Extraterrestrial replied...
Sept. 16, 2014 at 8:59 am
Are they? I noticed you have great rhythm, but didn't stop to count the syllables, haha. Don't worry, I'd say you did accomplish to extend that analogy. Glad you're okay with me being a complete creep.
 
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