The Expedition

July 13, 2012
By StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi


Off we go, forbidden friend,
Far-off beyond the yonder,
Let us in quiet make our bed
And pray for merry weather.

Let us sigh for lovers lost
Who may not have existed
Let us recount those rotting bones
Whose memory persisted.

Let us pretend we do not still
Attempt to count the stars.
Should this land hold a Christian grave,
Let’s let that grave be ours.

Off we go, forbidden friend,
This world has grown too small.
Let us in quiet wonder when
The other man will fall.

You and I do not create,
But let us claim this land.
Let us in quiet make our home
With our ungodly hands.

Let us make a promise now
That each will keep the other
This world’s a world too big for me,
My dear, my sweet, my brother.

So let us match this cruel earth
Tooth for tooth and eye.
I am no coward, but so strong –
So strong – so hard to die.



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This article has 14 comments.


on Jul. 27 2012 at 7:28 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Certainly. :)

on Jul. 26 2012 at 7:29 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

Your welcome! Could you possibly review some of my work? You're a really good writer and I would love to hear your opinion of my work! :) Maybe my already published poem "Stuck and Unstuck Love" or "Where you are now" which is in the forums?

on Jul. 26 2012 at 7:04 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Thank you for your editing input. I will review your poem forthwith.

on Jul. 26 2012 at 7:03 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Oh, thank you so much! ^^ It means a lot.

on Jul. 26 2012 at 1:07 am
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

This is absolutely beautiful writing. Really, I'm in love. I echo the sentiments of the other commenters. I love the story and the flow is wonderful. It gave me such a great visual in my head. I have nothing but praise for this! Keep writing! I want to read more of your work!

on Jul. 25 2012 at 7:07 pm
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
17 articles 1 photo 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"if you're not 1st you're last"

this was a very lovely poem. it has great flow, smooth rythm, and nice use of alliteration. 

Eirias SILVER said...
on Jul. 23 2012 at 6:54 am
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

Good job! This flowed nicely. If it was written specifically about Lewis and Clark, perhaps you might want to title it as such, but if this is just about a grand expedition, from which you took inspiration from L&C, it worked.

A few problems: Stanza 1 line 3: the word inversion (us in quiet) is jarring.

stanza 2 line 2-- I think you're missing a period at the end.

stanza 3 line 3 has too many syllables.

Missing a period in stanza 6, line 2.

Great poem! Would you mind looking at my poem in the forums under "Any Advice?" Thanks!


on Jul. 20 2012 at 5:45 am
thatunknownthing DIAMOND, Dubai, Other
67 articles 0 photos 211 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift; that's why they call it the present"

beautifully written, the ending reads well! keep up the work, it's short and crisp, the theme's expressed properly in only the last stanza and only vaguely in the others, though. but overall, i liked reading it, it was enthralling. can you check out and comment on my poem 'that scraggly girl'?

InkWriter13 said...
on Jul. 19 2012 at 11:39 pm
(Sorry it's a repeat. I didn't think it submitted the first time. :S )

InkWriter13 said...
on Jul. 19 2012 at 11:38 pm
You didn't bore me. I think it's neat. Makes more sense now, and I can see it's inteligently written. Well put, writer. :)

InkWriter13 said...
on Jul. 19 2012 at 11:37 pm
OH, okay. :) I see what you were doing better now. No, I think that's neat. Great poem. Not boring. Intelligent, to be better put. :) 5 stars.

on Jul. 19 2012 at 10:53 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Thank you so much!! ^^ I'm really glad you liked it, and you're very kind. :) And actually, (fun fact), it was written with Lewis & Clark in mind. So it is about making one's way in the world, but the first stanza contains a reference to "merry weather" (Meriwether was the original title), and the last two lines are his last words.

Yeah, I don't know if I just bored you to death, but anyway. XD


InkWriter13 said...
on Jul. 19 2012 at 10:22 pm
Nice ending. Great flow and structuring. Neatly organized, and for that I applaud! *clap, clap, clap* You definitely know what you are doing; I can tell that most sincerely. Great work! No critiques. I like your take on the world and the overaching concept of making one's way in the world (at least that's what I think this poem is about...). Anyways, wonderful writing, writer. :) Would you please comment on my work titled In the Music and The Perfect Fit?

on Jul. 17 2012 at 9:21 am
albinotiger GOLD, Gloucester, Massachusetts
13 articles 0 photos 187 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win"- Stephen King
“In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate”- Isaac Asimov

It reminds me of a poem in a book that i once read, Really good job!!! (maybe check out my stuff sometime)


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