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The Expedition

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Off we go, forbidden friend,
Far-off beyond the yonder,
Let us in quiet make our bed
And pray for merry weather.

Let us sigh for lovers lost
Who may not have existed
Let us recount those rotting bones
Whose memory persisted.

Let us pretend we do not still
Attempt to count the stars.
Should this land hold a Christian grave,
Let’s let that grave be ours.

Off we go, forbidden friend,
This world has grown too small.
Let us in quiet wonder when
The other man will fall.

You and I do not create,
But let us claim this land.
Let us in quiet make our home
With our ungodly hands.

Let us make a promise now
That each will keep the other
This world’s a world too big for me,
My dear, my sweet, my brother.

So let us match this cruel earth
Tooth for tooth and eye.
I am no coward, but so strong –
So strong – so hard to die.




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This article has 14 comments. Post your own!

thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 26, 2012 at 1:07 am:
This is absolutely beautiful writing. Really, I'm in love. I echo the sentiments of the other commenters. I love the story and the flow is wonderful. It gave me such a great visual in my head. I have nothing but praise for this! Keep writing! I want to read more of your work!
 
StrangeJadeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 26, 2012 at 7:03 pm :
Oh, thank you so much! ^^ It means a lot.
 
thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 26, 2012 at 7:29 pm :
Your welcome! Could you possibly review some of my work? You're a really good writer and I would love to hear your opinion of my work! :) Maybe my already published poem "Stuck and Unstuck Love" or "Where you are now" which is in the forums?
 
StrangeJadeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 27, 2012 at 7:28 pm :
Certainly. :)
 
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Behind_a_Plastic_Smile said...
Jul. 25, 2012 at 7:07 pm:
this was a very lovely poem. it has great flow, smooth rythm, and nice use of alliteration. 
 
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Eirias said...
Jul. 23, 2012 at 6:54 am:

Good job! This flowed nicely. If it was written specifically about Lewis and Clark, perhaps you might want to title it as such, but if this is just about a grand expedition, from which you took inspiration from L&C, it worked.

A few problems: Stanza 1 line 3: the word inversion (us in quiet) is jarring.

stanza 2 line 2-- I think you're missing a period at the end.

stanza 3 line 3 has too many syllables.

Missing a period in stanza 6, line 2.

Great poem! W... (more »)

 
StrangeJadeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 26, 2012 at 7:04 pm :
Thank you for your editing input. I will review your poem forthwith.
 
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thatunknownthingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 20, 2012 at 5:45 am:
beautifully written, the ending reads well! keep up the work, it's short and crisp, the theme's expressed properly in only the last stanza and only vaguely in the others, though. but overall, i liked reading it, it was enthralling. can you check out and comment on my poem 'that scraggly girl'?
 
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InkWriter13 said...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 10:22 pm:
Nice ending. Great flow and structuring. Neatly organized, and for that I applaud! *clap, clap, clap* You definitely know what you are doing; I can tell that most sincerely. Great work! No critiques. I like your take on the world and the overaching concept of making one's way in the world (at least that's what I think this poem is about...). Anyways, wonderful writing, writer. :) Would you please comment on my work titled In the Music and The Perfect Fit?
 
StrangeJadeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 10:53 pm :

Thank you so much!! ^^ I'm really glad you liked it, and you're very kind. :) And actually, (fun fact), it was written with Lewis & Clark in mind. So it is about making one's way in the world, but the first stanza contains a reference to "merry weather" (Meriwether was the original title), and the last two lines are his last words.

Yeah, I don't know if I just bored you to death, but anyway. XD

 
InkWriter13 replied...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 11:37 pm :
OH, okay. :) I see what you were doing better now. No, I think that's neat. Great poem. Not boring. Intelligent, to be better put. :) 5 stars.
 
InkWriter13 replied...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 11:38 pm :
You didn't bore me. I think it's neat. Makes more sense now, and I can see it's inteligently written. Well put, writer. :)
 
InkWriter13 replied...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 11:39 pm :
(Sorry it's a repeat. I didn't think it submitted the first time. :S )
 
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albinotiger said...
Jul. 17, 2012 at 9:21 am:
It reminds me of a poem in a book that i once read, Really good job!!! (maybe check out my stuff sometime)
 
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