The Birthday Ballad

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Once upon a time
In an arid town in Texas
My loving parents in their prime
Decided to make a baby

I started out at two small cells
That united into one
I began to grow in a place that swells
As time goes on and on

My mommy carried me about
For nine months and five days
She got very round no doubt
And was oh so ready to give birth

September 7th was the date
Let there be no mistake
My parents arrived prompt at eight
In the morning at the hospital

Laying down in labor for twelve hours
My mom was fighting hard
My grandpa walks in with a bouquet of flowers
To make up for being so tardy

Standing beside my mother’s bed
My father tries to console her
The problem is my really big head
As it will not fit past her cervix

The doctor announces, “The time has come.”
My mother gets wide-eyed
I can hear her heart go, “Bum bum.”
As he pulls out the sharp scalpel

The nurse numbs my mother’s tummy
As she tightly shuts her eyes
The doctor makes it fast he’s no dummy
He then reaches in and pulls me out

I looked so very odd
Almost like a robot drone
Because of my pale-grey skin, Oh God!
And my big head shaped like a cone

At least I was out safe and sound
I cried and cried and cried
My multiple relatives gathered around
To welcome me into the world at last...





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