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Phoenix of the Sea

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The sky so blue and calm,
I race toward the rocky shore,
I see the beauty of each large palm,
As I crash against rock to be seen no more.
I live again to race and race,
People watching my friends and I,
I want to put a smile on their face,
So I run and crash and die.



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mystyksuniverse said...
Sept. 21, 2012 at 2:30 am
I believe you're talking about waves, or you wouldn't have that picture. Waves are a beautiful thing, almost alive due to their overwhelming sound, smell, and even taste. Your poem seems to lack any sensory detail, making it difficult for me to connect with it. If you want to draw the reader in, first you must speak to them, if that makes sense. Furthermore, don't let the rhyme scheme hinder your creativity. Some of the best poetry doesn't have rhyme or rhythm. Let the words flow... (more »)
 
milforce replied...
Sept. 21, 2012 at 9:46 pm
Thanks again
 
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