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What Pain Is
Pain is knowing, realizing,
That every last word you ever said,
Every last promise you swore to
Was empty, without meaning, and dead.
It is finally understanding
that I was a project; never more.
Just something to fix in your spare time;
But never a part of your core.
It is seeing you as you are,
Without the mask for months you wore;
The selfishness, the resentment there--
Such change; bitterly it cuts my core.
It is hearing your angry, hateful words
Though I've done nothing to deserve their sting;
And yet, though you've hurt me for no reason,
I never hear you apologizing.
It is the knowledge that I'm worthless--
As I'm clearly disposable to you;
And the fact you aren't even sorry
For any of the things that you do.
It is the IM's and the whispered words,
all the memories that just won't fade;
And all of the daydreams that run wild--
All the unanswered prayers I've prayed.
And the cold glares from across the table--
The ones I did nothing to earn,
As all I've done is stand by and love you,
Though every day my efforts are burned.
Mostly, it's the way you refuse to see
How I'm still here, suffering for you;
Or maybe it's that you just don't care
About all the pain you're putting me through.
And I remember back to the days
When aloft you held your heart;
You swooped down as an angel,
and claimed we'd never be apart.
And you blame me now for my tears,
When the love you claimed to have for me--
The purest, you said, in all the world,
Has disappeared now, conveniently.
And pain is that I now must live
Apart from your smiles, texting, and life--
Yet I can't stop dreaming that one day
It will all be as it was before this strife.
I really just can't understand it--
Why by you have I been betrayed?
Fading faster, 'cause it doesn't matter--
You don't even see me anyway.