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Perfect and Sad

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Something buzzed in the air,
a fly perhaps, a bee?
But never did he see
something more.

Out of the dusk
roared thunder.
But he did not make it under
his perfect hiding place.

Something hit him in the side
and he began to quiver.
He felt so cold that he did shiver
but really he was not.

On his hand he felt something
like honey from the bees.
But when the breeze
blew by his face he saw that it was not.

It looked like glittering rubies
there in that pail, dying light.
And oh, if only it could be night
he would feel a bit less vulnerable.

But since the rubies in his hand
where not rubies at all.
But droplets of blood which did fall
from where the bullet pierced him.

Oh how he did cry out
when he came to his senses.
He was not protected by fences
like gardens were.






21.
And there slowly he died
bent over and pulsing.
Trying to stop crying
but never did stop.

Until peacefully lying
spread on the ground.
Curled in a ball neat and round.
His death was perfect and sad.




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This article has 5 comments. Post your own!

EmmaClaire0823This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 6:45 pm:
This was really good and I liked it. I would say that personally your word choice could have been a little more developed. You could have used a more impressive vocabulary. Also, this is completely my opinion, but I am not a fan of rhyming free verse, that is just a personal dislike of mine. The senses that you convayed were really well done also. Great job! 
 
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Dr.FeelGoodThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
yesterday at 11:42 am:
you keep getting better and better
 
samiasaskia24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
yesterday at 9:15 pm :
Thank you!
 
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LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 8, 2012 at 12:53 pm:
Wow, this is really good! I think that the sixth stanza is a little akward and could have been worded better, but I love it over all. Although I can tell that this is something about death, I feel that there is something there that i am missing, and I think that is a large part of what makes it a good poem. It gives me alot of food for thought and I'll probably be chewing on this all day. It has a bit of and archaic and mysterious feel to it that really makes it stick in your mind. Great work! ... (more »)
 
samiasaskia24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 8, 2012 at 6:04 pm :
Thank you!!!! I wrote some titles under the contest three for second winner I believe. Thanks, again!!!!
 
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