Depressed

I’ve slept twelve hours, but I don’t hear the clock
Its hand slowly moves around the face
I’m in a huddled mass under clean linen sheets
But I feel no warmth from them or smell the spring breeze

The last time I ate
Was it a day?
Maybe a week
But the thought of consumption
Leaves me doubled over and nauseous

I lay in bed when the children run outside
I don’t move a muscle, frozen like in freeze tag
Then the treacherous shadows are mocking again
They dance along the wall until the sun is gone and the moon arrives

I curl up in a little ball, my heart tucked and hidden
Maybe if the world doesn’t see, they won’t know it’s been bitten
And ripped apart, tossed away
It feebly beats, but tomorrow may be its last day

Before I wanted nothing more than to leave this prison house
To venture into bright summer days
But the tumult of despair has punctured me
My chest is an open wound and its contents are pouring

There goes my heart, the ripped up little mass of muscle
And my lungs dutifully follow its lead
I can’t take a proper breath,
Are their stones resting on the hole in my chest?

And through the remains of my shattered entity
Comes the last part to cripple and seep through the sore
It was once white, like the linen sheets, and pure
But a world of darkness painted the spirit black as despair

I’m a muddled mess of what once was
The days go but I know no time
The prison will stay my prison; I don’t want to see my release
Let my final day be here, maybe then I’ll find my peace

For my brain did not pour out, no it stayed in my head
It was stupid, it didn’t warn me, for it was naïve
But now I’ll grab the rope and I’ll escape
The never ending punishment I cast unto myself

You said you didn’t care, apathy was rampant
My rock that strengthened me eroded into dust
I was left alone to face a storm
And didn’t have a soul to trust

I explained it all, I wrote in the letter
After all the world pulled me through
It ripped me apart
And spit me out again
To just get by was the plan
But in the end my way was better





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Vidra This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I just wanted to let you know that you are a fabulous writer.

:)

 
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