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Subtle Death

My inner child was miscarried
In the yard of yesterday
Even the infant knew
That its birth was overdue
As it lay there, wailing, in the clay

The godmother’s eyes rolled quite freely
When she had taken all for lost
Her face swallowed by her wrinkled hands
Her fingertips laced with moss

The constellations were obscured by clouds
The flowers wilting with a hush
As winter stroked their pretty petals
Which had only begun to blush

The rebel laid his allegorical sword
At the feet of the theoretical king
The abbot invited his bell to sound
But could never hear it ring

I had waited for life
And also for death
All the while, testing my knife
With the heat of my breath

I thought “perhaps I shall be slain”
But my butcher judged by the weather-
That this simply wasn’t the day
So I suppose I will sit here in the gentle rain
Contented to decay



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IamtheshyStargirl said...
Mar. 12 at 11:40 am:
Well, my Raven. I am reading this right now, and today I feel quiet. 
 
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An-eloquent-leafThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm:
Wow, o wow. I am almost speechless - almost. At first, I was gonna name the lines "The rebel laid his allegorical sword/At the feet of the theoretical king" as my favorite, but then I realized that the last two stanzas, the last one especially, I just...love, to say the least. So alas, I have to favorite another poem of yours, my Feathery Bard.. It's funny, I only have fifteen or so pieces 'favorited,' and probably around a third of them are yours :).

I just, well, it's hard to expl... (more »)
 
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LondonEye This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 11:22 pm:
Hmm, I like the idea behind this. Reminds me for some reason of Dickinson's Because I Could Not Stop For Death, perhaps because of the content resignation I sense in the tone. I especially like the imagery in the last line of the first stanza. 
 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 26, 2011 at 6:31 pm :

I know that poem well, and carry it around in case I ever need it, rather like some spiritual people carry around scripture in their hearts. You sensed so well what I was trying to write, and for that I am glad.

 

 
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IamtheshyStargirl said...
Aug. 12, 2011 at 11:05 pm:

Ah, so the raven has darkness in him afterall. 

I don't know why, but there is something satisfying about darkness that seems to be lacking in light. it creates balance, I suppose. 

To answer your question, I am feeling better than I was earlier. I am not worried about losing myself. 

How are you feeling today? Or, better yet, how were you feeling when you wrote this poem?

 
IamtheshyStargirl replied...
Aug. 12, 2011 at 11:11 pm :

I love the first stanza, It's so simply, intricately woven, tragic and tender. It speaks and feels of true heartache, the kind that I have only encountered in dreams. 

(What is it like to encounter someone who says too much?)

 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 6:10 pm :

'Course he does. Or rather, he sits in the darkness sometimes, so some of the stuff is bound to find its way inside of him. But, like you said, it's about balance. "Light made substance by the shadows."  I often meditate in the darkness, because the world is 'simplified' to self and non-self. I also like to meditate with my cat, but that is neither here nor there.

I'm quite glad that you're feeling better. I'm equally glad that you didn't lose yourself and that you're not wor... (more »)

 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 6:25 pm :

Today? I am at peace. The kind of peace when one is sitting outside on a lonely road knowing fully well that a gale will sweep over him, but he is not afraid of it.

I found the third stanza on a scrap of paper in my 'pensieve,' and I don't remember ever writing it. But I decided to write an entire poem so it wouldn't be so alone. At first, I thought I was going to have to feign dismay to write it, but when I thought of the first two lines, t... (more »)

 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 10:22 am :

Ah, I seem to have disregarded your last question. Let me answer it:

As long as what is said is true and is poetry, it's a simply wonderful encounter and I wouldn't change it for anything.

 
IamtheshyStargirl replied...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:14 pm :

For the longest time, I was quite sure that I was absolutely solid in who I was. But I am a person of contradiction, and I am always changing. I don't know. Lately I've been feeling like I just can't write; I guess I have some sort of writer's block. The inspiration's there, the expression just isn't. And I guess that being able to write has been a big part of my identity for a very long time, so that confused me. 

I think it was just all in my head. It'll probably crop up again s... (more »)

 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 4:02 pm :

Believe me, I've had the feeling before. After today, in fact, I feel like my identity is starting to break down, and I fear that my writing will suffer.

Well, I wish you soundness of mind and solidity of identity, as well as the return of your beautiful expression. :)

 
IamtheshyStargirl replied...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 8:27 pm :

Why is that? 

Is there just something about finally feeling solid in yourself that makes the whole persona come crashing down? 

Thank you, dear friend, perhaps the realization that I have somehow lost my expression will lead to it's coming back. Inspiration is a wayward muse, after all, not terribly steadfast, but when it strikes, oh does it ever strike. 

 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 3:47 pm :

I suppose it's often because identity is less solid than we would like to think, although that doesn't mean there's any less substance to it, only that the essence is harder to discern. With me, it's because my high school has banned free thinking.

I eagerly await the result of your visit with this wayward muse who is inspiration.

 
IamtheshyStargirl replied...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 10:39 pm :

Yes, and maybe we're focussing on the things that are subject to change, the things which are made all the better for change. 

You, Raven, are one of those rare people who has been unaffected up until then, and who will continue to be unaffected. That does not mean that you are not allowed to feel for it, or to grieve, though. 

 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm :

If I did not grieve when I felt it, my poetry would be greatly reduced. :) Like a seldom few others, a live against the ban.

I know that 'Stargirl' was a Jerry Spinelli novel, but we don't have a copy in our house anymore. What was Stargirl like, in the book? Why'd you name yourself after her?

 
IamtheshyStargirl replied...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm :

She is homeschooled and very eccentric :) She is extremely friendly and outgoing. She gets along with all ages. 

I feel an affinity with her, though I don't feel as confident as her. I guess she's one of my role models. 

 
IamtheshyStargirl replied...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 4:39 pm :
Can you tell me more about the ban?
 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 7:53 pm :
It's not the kind that the tyrant forces on the humming crowd; it's the kind that's imbedded on the inside of brick walls, and written on a professor's brow, and is standing in a chaotic mass of lives and minds, and is uttered as a sidenote after every lesson, and is silent as it makes the flowers wilt. It is the cruel eyes of a war eagle, as it sits so proudly among the smaller birds. I suppose most students never notice it as it eats them up and siphons away their depth. Bu... (more »)
 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm :

One professor told us: the only thing you truly own is your name. Everything else can be changed by others, or even taken away from you. So live up to your name, he said. That's all you can do.

I am more than a name! And I will continue to become more.

 
IamtheshyStargirl replied...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 8:01 pm :

My heart aches. How did the world get this way? 

What more can I say, I seem to so rarely have the words. I seem to experience the world differently from most, in so many ways. 

 
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