The things I never said

January 30, 2011
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Two years ago
Do you remember the snow?
You threw the snowball and started a war
The smiles and laughter- I wanted more
I loathed you up until then
Maybe it was because you got under my skin
I still breathe that winter air
And hear skates moving from here to there
I tried to get the puck, and I never could
You'd stayed and it made me feel good
That night I would lay awake and think of you
And every day my emotions grew.

A year and a half has past
How could a school year have gone so fast?
I wanted to tell you what I felt in my chest
But you had it all, so I did what was best
And held it all inside
When you were mean I closed my eyes and silently cried
Because maybe, you really didn't mean it at all
from there I could only fall
Battered and bruised- I wish I'd been through
But for some reason, my heart still beat for you

One year far behind
I'd hold onto whenever you were kind
In my seat I would sometimes catch your gaze
And my heart skipped in all the wrong ways
I thought you waiting for someone
And someday I could have finally won
I waited and prayed everything wasn't fake
But soon enough I would finally break
Angry and confused my days were sad
What had I done that made you so mad?
I waited faithfully even when you were cold
Maybe this game was old
Slowly and painfully I drifted away
And then my world would shatter that May

Last summer my tears fell
Boy, was it hard to hide them so well
You moved far away to a new place
Only in my dreams could I see your haunting face
I counted the days until I would see you
I wanted so bad to find someone new
There was a goodbye I didn’t say
Before you’d gone away
That I wanted stand next to
Not prince charming; only you
That’s one thing I wish I’d said
Still I kept it unsaid

Today there are things I’ll never say
Things in my heart that’ve happened to stay
Maybe I'll love you till the end of time
Maybe loving me back won’t be a crime
Perhaps that day will come
Perhaps I'll face it instead of run
Your presence still lingers here once in a while
But I am fine and it’s easy to smile
And say that my heart’s free to fly
To spread its wings and take to the sky
The feelings aren't quite gone
I have learned that I was wrong
I love you
I honestly do
I love you like a brother or a good friend
Now I won’t pretend
And let the things I should’ve said
Play over again in my head.
No longer will I waste 11:11 wishes, or close my eyes and pray
And dwell on things I never could say.

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missamanda said...
Feb. 16, 2011 at 10:14 pm
I spent a very long time on this poem in particular.... please tell me what you think!
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