Beautiful

There is nothing left destructible
Damaged goods is the label
I’ve already been broken
My happiness fiercely shaken
You take me by the shoulders
Against my frail skin like boulders
I rattle silently in your hands
The light clatter of cans.

I no longer need protection
Defense or ammunition
My reflection no longer troubles me
An ugly mess is not what I see
I’ve studied more attentively
The basic contours precisely
My trip forms a map on my skin
The scars veiling a mask within
Yet I see in me the girl I’ve always been
My ordeal adding a tinted sheen.

I’m making a transition
Coming to a more stable position
Of course I will never forget
That I needed a safety net
Each happy memory
We shared blissfully
Is now smeared shed blood
Tears streaming to flood
Like beautiful calligraphy
Acts as an autobiography
Now tear-stained and drenched
Hours of crying I achieved
None, not even pain heaved.

Because I am drawn back deep
When these feelings seep
You visit me warm
In my dreams and transform
I awake cold and see dark
To your voice I hark
And I realize we are two
Never entwined: one.

Hate is not something I feel
My determination hard as steel
For I could never resent something
So beautiful with meaning
Though all I have left of you
Is what I am faced with everyday too
An everlasting ache
The want and need with stake
To see your beautiful face again
To help me remain sane.

I don’t know what is left
Apart from the hurt I need to heft
Or what is to come of my future
I want out of this torture
Because I know and I have learnt
This is has not healed but burnt
You make me feel sheer bliss, allure
Yet disease without cure
And I do not see what’s beautiful anymore.