It's not....

June 24, 2010
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Its not how much time she spends with you
Its how much breath she takes away
You should lose your pride to someone you love
And not round the other way

Its not how much of her heart that you have
Its how much you can repair
You should look at her the way she looks at you
And remember who is there

Its not how much time she does consume
Its how much you prioritise
You should listen with an open heart and mind
And look her in the eyes

Its not how much you show her your feelings
Its how much you hide away
You should look at the times she's shared with you
And say thanks for every day.

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Jellybean9898 said...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 8:36 pm
i think it's very sweet. i hope whoever it was for really liked it. :)
JaseC replied...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 9:25 pm
She actually died before I gave it to her.
JaseC said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 3:33 pm
That's how most of my writing is. I usually don't jerk the reader around, unless my intention is to jerk the reader around.
bmab2377 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 3:27 pm
i like it :) it sounds so straight foward and honest.
nickykens This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 26, 2010 at 12:06 am
Well this is fantastic!  I absolutely love it.  My favorite part, "You should lose your pride to someone you love
And not round the other way."  I can really relate.  The only suggestion I have is about the grammar, the 'its' need apostrophes (if that's spelled right).  Other than that - fantastic!
JaseC replied...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 10:48 am
Thank you for that, I wrote this in about 2 minutes and posted it without revising.
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