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The Eve Before Christmas
T'were the eve 'afore Christmas, and o'er the seas
Not a pirate of all had a beard full o' fleas.
But one captain's crew was out and about
With no care for Christmas, not even a shout.
“We need no Christmas,” the captain had said,
And gotten right back to the wench in his bed.
T'was then that the raggedy ghost ship appeared,
And that was the thing that the crewmates most feared.
The crewmates rose up, prepared to be boarded,
But t'was not treasure that the ghost crew hoarded.
As the ghost ship drew near, black sails flyin',
The captain's crew lost fear o' dyin'.
The ghost captain called out, “Christmas is here!
Ye will all learn to hold this day dear!”
And with those words, and a great blinding glow,
Ice did surround them, and so did the snow.
When the captain inquired, the ghost crew replied,
“This sorcery is unlike that of the tide.”
Just then another ship hailed them, sayin',
“Ho ho ho, mateys, I hope I'm dismayin'.”
For t'was Captain Whitebeard, also known as Saint Nick,
Sayin' “Landlubbers, this is no sort of trick.”
“'Tis the magic of Christmas, as ye shall soon learn,
The time be upon ye, now it be yer turn
To bring all the presents to all the great crews,
At least until ye've paid all yer dues.”
Directly they were invited to board,
Not a mate needed to reach fer his sword.
And when they were all on Whitebeard's ship,
It rose up from the seas, and Nick gave a quip:
“Now for all ye landlubbers, here is the gist:
Give all the swag to the tars on this list.”
And so they blinked as they looked at this scroll
While Whitebeard turned into a big pile o' coal.
The captain read it aloud, and he said:
“First we have Blackbeard, who's a wantin' real bread.”
So onward they flew, off to Blackbeard's ship,
Gave him the gift, and then gave him the slip.
“Next the Huntmaster, a man who requires
A little more ale trade, he needs some more buyers.”
It was then that the pirates could pirate, and
They took all o' the ale onto the sand.
“Now we have Nancy, that wench off her crocker,
The list says to send her to Davy Jones' Locker.”
When they arrived, she offered them mead,
The pirates replied “She's not a bad breed.”
So they stayed a little, merry and drunk,
And they felt her deservin' a little good bunk.
They left her behind with some ale, as she wished,
That Famous Ol' Spiced, and oh how it swished.
“'Ere Captain Morgan, who wants mead and wenches.
His mate's a bit odd, all he wants for is benches.”
Wenches in tow, they all set sail,
Then they all knew that they could not fail.
Upon their arrival, Captain Morgan did greet
Each man in the crew with a good piece o' meat.
With him they stayed, drinking and wenching,
And every man found the mead was quite quenching.
The night slipped away, everyone jolly,
Keep in mind that it wasn't quite folly.
Captain Morgan passed around the bread,
And when that were done, he then said:
“So we sit back and sing this song,
And drink and party all night long!”
But the captain shook his head, statin':
“We have a commission, pirates be waitin'.”
Just then Captain Whitebeard arose,
And offered up a fine bit o' prose:
“Ye've served yer time, any lubber can see that.
Ye're free.” And he was gone, with a tip o' the hat.
The crew's ship returned, and then they knew
They had to leave when the night was through.
But for now, a truce was erected,
Every pirate from harm was protected.
And above their drinking and wenching, they heard
Captain Whitebeard, in the skies like a bird.
He called out in his buccaneer might:
“Jolly Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.”