Negligence

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I am no longer a child.
You are no longer everything I’ve ever known in this world.
And you see, I never liked you as much we thought I did.
I mean, I’ve exaggerated and told you I loved you, but I was still just a child then.
I wasn’t in love; I was obsessed.
But the thing is I wasn’t obsessed with you; I was merely obsessed with the idea of someone like you.
Someone who was able to push me aside, someone who made me fight for priority.
Honestly, when I think about it, I remember wanting to hook up with you but never wanting to be in a relationship.
I feel as though I was drawn into your prude character more than anything else as if I needed to be the one to break you.
I found you be quite a challenge.
You were probably scared the entire time, too, of the thought of us.
After all, I am quite demanding.
I was attracted to your resistance.
I was sure the difference in our polarity would bind us together.
And I thought we were compatible because of that, like missing puzzle pieces.
But truthfully, I was in it for the challenge.
I’m not very good at taking no as an answer, and you knew that.
You took advantage of it.
You knew I didn’t play the waiting game; I just simply go out and get it.
You knew that I was going to chase after you sooner or later.
You teased me and it roused me up.
I needed more of your sensation.
It was fun while it lasted, but it never lasted long.
The fact that I had to wait for everything just made me more compelled to answer my curiosity.
And I think I got this mixed up with love.
There’s a fine line between curiosity and mystery.
The difference was that I didn’t care how everything was going to turn out; I just needed to know what was on the other side, just needed to know for certain whether or not you would fall for my traps.
I deceived you into thinking that you were mysterious, but it was my curiosity which lured me to you.
You were beguiled by my adrenaline, my energy to want fun.
I know I liked you.
But my adolescent hormones liked you better.

And you know what?
Today felt so good; you have no idea.
I felt liberty.
It’s not that I liked you less, but I loved myself more.
I realized that the love for myself, my ego, was more than I’ve ever liked you.
To forget about you, I just to be a little more… Me.
It was never painful to see you leave.
Because in all honesty, I never really cared that much.





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