Jack and Jill Revisited

June 1, 2009
By Nina Lokar BRONZE, Mason, Ohio
Nina Lokar BRONZE, Mason, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Jack and Jill went up a hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

It started out a normal day
They met outside the fence
They knew not that today would bring
A tragedy at their expense.

Below them was a grat expanse
They could see for miles around
“Look, there’s the hill with the well!”
Jill yelled as the started down.

They finally made it to the well
By then the skies wee gray
The two looked worriedly at the sky
They must hurry back today.

Bushes and trees surrounded the well
And as the lightening did strike
A man in black jumped out at them
Holding a sharp pointed knife.

He swiftly stabbed Jack in the heart
And as Jill said goodbye
She looked into the eyes of the man
And knew she was going to die.

The man took Jack into his arms
And threw him down the hill
And with her last ragged breath
Quickly followed Jill.

Jack and Jill went up a hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.


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This article has 7 comments.


on Sep. 22 2017 at 6:16 pm
NiyahSymone SILVER, Norwalk, Connecticut
9 articles 0 photos 10 comments
Wow!! This is amazingly good! Keep doing you!

PickledTacos said...
on Jul. 10 2016 at 10:40 pm
PickledTacos,
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This is so great!!

on Jan. 25 2012 at 4:33 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

Heart, not Heath, The poem is called the Haunted Heart.* sorry about that!

on Jan. 25 2012 at 4:31 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

Oh my gosh..... This is scary, but good. Its SCARY GOOD! There are some spelling problems, and there are some rough spots flow-wise, but the wierdest is that they went DOWN a hill to go UP a hill to fetch a pail or water. Weird, and I was stuck there on there on the third stanza because of it. But this has set my mind wandering, Im probably not going to be able to rest til I've rewritten three or four nursery rhymes/fairy tales to inclued this black figure. I love it and I'm gonna give you 5/5 dispite the inconsistancies. Im glad I found this. Do you think you could comment/rate some of my works? It would mean alot. Perhaps you would like one called "The Haunted Heath"? Anyhow, check it out when you can.

on Dec. 9 2010 at 11:42 am
starsandotherthings BRONZE, Grand Isle, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
" To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid" "Paper is more patient than man"

this was strange but wonderful.... i never thought of it that way

on Aug. 1 2010 at 4:54 pm
nickykens ELITE, Draper, Utah
134 articles 2 photos 86 comments
Kinda creepily morbid, but fantastic!

Jaquie BRONZE said...
on Sep. 10 2009 at 6:24 pm
Jaquie BRONZE, West Palm Beach, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 407 comments

Favorite Quote:
This is certainly one of my favorites: "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." -2 Samuel 6:22

This is amazing! I've never heard the story described in such a way! I love it!

God bless,

...,


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