letter her #3

May 3, 2018
By lucydmitruk SILVER, Costa Mesa, California
lucydmitruk SILVER, Costa Mesa, California
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments

I miss you so much
I keep trying to remember you
But if I’m being honest
It’s getting harder by the second
I miss knowing what if it feels like to hug you
To know that you’re there
Right now I don’t know where you are
And I probably never will
But I just want you to know that I love you so much
And even though I didn’t always show it
Or say it
I do
I really do
And I miss you
god I miss you so much
sometimes I wonder if anybody is every going to understand what this feels like
because for me
it’s just constant pain
I find the time to forget
Keeping myself distracts for the slight moments that I can hold onto what is actually good
But you always come back into my head
And it hurts so much not being able to know when these memories or thoughts of you
Are going to be happy
Because it just hurts
It hurts so much
And I don’t know how to explain it any other way
I miss you
It feels like I’m in constant need of your advice
Because I just keep messing up
It just feels like I can’t get anything right
And I think that the only way ill be able to get through any of the rest of my life
Is with you in it
So much is happening
And everything is constantly changing
Sometimes I think it’s for the good
But the bad always hits me harder
And I cant help but imagine how different everything would be if you were still here
I just feel like my entire life is a mess
And I need you
I need you here to help me
Because I honestly don’t think that I’m going to be able to live through all of this
I just want to go back to you telling whether I’m doing something right or wrong
Because without you here I feel complete and utter hopelessness
It just feels like I cant do anything right
I don’t know if it’s all just in my head
But it feels like no matter what
I always end up hurting myself or someone else
And don’t want to be that person
I just want to be the person you’ve always wanted me to be
The person that you had always taught me to be
I’m just so tired of doing everything wrong


The author's comments:

A reference to my 1st  and 2nd letters to her will help you understand this epistle better. I am aware that some of the grammar or spelling may not be correct. However, I want to keep my writing as real and raw as it was the moment I wrote the words. Please let me know if you feel any sort of connection or can relate to the feeling that this or any of my other writing pieces evoke.


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