But you

April 1, 2018
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Oh, the things i undergo
Home is a storm just waiting to blow
Every word, every move, every look, could get them to go
Every word, could start the show
But you, never see the show

Motherly love, i no longer comprehend
That relationship, i constantly try to amend
I'm never able to defend
And then, in public, i just Pretend
But you, never guessed that it's pretend

i get beat with more belts than i’ve ever worn
my heart gets  broken and brutally torn
i constantly wonder why i was ever born
The good ol’ days, i mourn
But you, think i'm fine, and could’ve even sworn

Everyday i feel the anger rise
But i make sure it dies
And those tears, those cries
i always disguise
But you, my feelings must be a surprise

i watch all the others
with loving fathers and mothers
who are completely sober
I listen to them laugh, and suffer
But you, believe that smile i use as a cover

My self esteem is gone
receiving love i'm bent on
Though hate is all i come upon
In my house i'm just pawn
But you, this could probably make you yawn

It doesn't matter that i feel sad
Nor that i'm becoming insanely mad
It's that the torture isn't a fad
It'll only always get worse than what i had
But you, do you even feel bad


You probably find this all a haze
i'm sorry for wasting your time
you couldn’t help anyways

i thought you'd console me
But you,
I'm sorry

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