Hollow Body

March 21, 2018
By miriam233 GOLD, New York, New York
miriam233 GOLD, New York, New York
10 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I eat my feelings,
Which is to say I eat as little as possible
A couple hundred calories a day to fulfill the quota set by my desire to feel human
The thought of food makes me anxious
Too much food and you’ll be laying on your side
Clutching your stomach
Wishing you hadn’t just eaten that many plates of pasta
Days go by where all I've eaten are a couple of crackers
And I begin to long for the taste of salt on my tongue
But all I feel are puffs of smoke as they enter my eager mouth
The sensation fills my already tainted lungs while my stomach screams for attention
I lay on my back
Facing my ceiling
Unable to feel a thing
Meanwhile, my head pounds in aggravation
My aching body drives me to the kitchen
Tens of minutes are spent shoveling food into my hungry mouth
Hours later, I’m hovering over the toilet
Regurgitating the mistakes I made while giving in to my most mundane temptations
I eat my feelings
Which is to say I try not to eat at all


The author's comments:

I struggle with the inability to feel emotions. I go months without crying, but I wish I could be able to let go and let myself just feel without putting myself down for it. I tend to get more emotional when I'm high, which is part of the reason I do, but I always beat myself up for it afterward. I replaced feelings with food in this allegory-type poem.


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