What is abuse? Is it the way you spoke to me? Or the way he grabbed my arm when I turned to run. Run. It's what everyone said to do. But I couldn't because of the way I thought I loved you. Yes. I loved you even though the words you said hurt. I could never stop. We had days where everything was perfect. We laughed and joked and had a great time. But out of nowhere the jokes stopped. All of a sudden things are not all right. Things are not fine. Run. I wanted to run but I couldn't because of the way I loved you and had nothing to do. Your words and your touch forever stuck in my brain but my misery I can no longer contain. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide but you said no you said I couldn't go. You begged, pleaded and you cried. You promised me you would change you promised me you would try but you lied. Again I tried to run but I was trapped. Trapped in a cage and you held the key. Even after all that I still only loved you. Again the words. The way you grab me. The way you were able to give all my secrets away. It wasn't fair but you insisted no, you told me you really did care. I wanted to believe you. And for a while I started to believe the lies and that we could go back to having fun but people still said run. People warned me and I did not want to listen I did not want to believe them when they called you a monster. I stood up for you but you never saw that. You only ever saw what I did wrong. You never saw everything I did for you or for us. You only saw what I didn't do. I began to feel scared because the one who was supposed to be there was my biggest fear. Run. My head was telling me to run but still I did not listen. My head said run but my heart said stay. Now all I want to do is make you pay. Pay for the things you've said and done. Make you pay for the person you have made me become. A person too afraid to run because right when I get out right when I start to feel safe you pull me back. Because even now I am still on the run.
I'm on the run
January 8, 2018