Toxic

March 19, 2018

It should’ve never been a surprise, I shouldn’t have even thought about it twice.
You never even deserved a first, but the second you told me you loved me I was cursed.
You were a devil in disguise,I confused you with a prince and couldn’t be shown otherwise.
I allowed you to dehumanize me, allowing you to make me someone I didn’t want to be.
It’s now been three years yet I am healing, secretly towards you I am extremely unfeeling.
I sit at night sometimes imagining how I was before, before you ripped apart my core.
I really did think I was precious to you, your words were weapons and always went through.
Every “I hate you”,“If you loved me…” was like a knife to my heart, yet to me you were art.
I had a heart of gold but you made it ice cold.

I never loved you, I just loved the idea of being in love, you were something I had to get rid of.
I couldn’t keep a toxic snake, I fed you my love and you continued dragging me down a lake.
I will never be an innocent angel or even perfect, but I at least always showed you respect.
I obeyed even your silliest demand,I wasn’t your slave so why did I follow your every command?
What did I ever do to deserve this? Was there some signal that I gave you that I missed?
Did you think that because I said I was weak that you could make me lose my will to speak?
I don’t miss you but I know you can’t say the same and you’re the one to blame.

Things would be different if you had really loved me and if I believed we were meant to be.
I pretended to be okay with you calling me names and to be okay with being burnt in the flames.
The flames of your so called love which turned out to be hell,I was stuck in a burning jail cell.
I will forever live with the scars of this toxic “love” but at least I am no longer behind those bars.
I didn't know that your “love” was oppression but it's the reason why I developed depression.

At first I blamed myself for how I was treated, I believed I wasn't enough because you cheated.
After you I learned what I couldn't accept and I really am something worthy of being kept.
These memories are something we'll never forget but this was all set the moment we met.


Your so called love was toxic and it couldn't just reshape, so I had to escape.






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