My father,                                   

Mom says you’re with me      
and I believe her.
I can feel you sitting beside me
from time to time.
I can feel your hand
on my shoulder.
I can feel your spirit
when I walk into a room.

I’ve always thought            
to not believe in ghosts,
but to believe you could be with me.
I believe you show yourself
in those who care about me.

I notice when you’re gone,          
and it hurts me.
I beg for my father
to return to me,
but you can’t hear.
You’re in another world.
I live for the moments
our worlds touch.

My father,           

I will never hear your voice,        
or experience what it’s like
to be held safely in your arms.
I will never laugh at a joke you make,
or hold the fear of seeing disappointment
in the eyes of my father.
I will never know you,
not in this life,
but I will always know your love.

I can feel your presence      
when I look at old photographs
of you when you were 17
in the last months of your life.
I hear you whispering
that I need to love myself more
because if you were here
you would have taught me
to love every ounce
of who I am
and of who you are
inside of me.

My father,             

No matter where you are,             
and no matter where I go
we will always be together.
I am made of pieces of your soul,
and everyone I meet
who once knew you,
knows your soul is alive
within me.
Your dad saw you shining, too.

As your father was passing
into the light to be with you,         
he held my hand
before holding yours,
and he told me
I am living the life
you didn’t get to live,
and I decided 
I will not let you down,
my father.