I fade away

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My faith fades away, drifts away like a stray leaf
In tow goes my hope, my reason for life and my belief
I know not how to gain it back, for I’m already quite dead.
And I’m not the same girl who could once, in grit, chew even lead.
I thought color blindness was meant to come at birth,
Yet, I see only gray, no other color happens to be of any worth.
Even hard metal refuses to graze my ears, because it’s not the voice I want to hear
Something inside me is in denial, or maybe I’m too cowardly to even admit fear.
A smile means to twitch those tiny muscles, an effort so useless
Trying to “move on” sounds like a concept so vague and baseless.
And I’m trying to care, or maybe I’m trying not to.
But on what grounds do I decide what I need to do?
I’m not wallowing in self-pity or maybe I am.
I’m too numb to tell, I’m suddenly meeker than a lamb.
I was Miss Flamboyant, in another lifetime
Before life came to a standstill, lost its reason and rhyme.
Faith fades, memories fade, all but pain fade
Hoping that pain will, is but another mistake waiting to be made.
Staying in captivity of one’s love for too long
Makes one vulnerable and weak, and that is wrong.
Don’t let anyone rule you, I realize too late
Cause after he’s done, life will simply be an empty slate.
Cause there won’t be anything left to fill
Not even when you possess an iron will
Cause you’ll be dead with only a grave wanting
Death a favor you’d wish your God to you would be granting.





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