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Have you ever really seen me?

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Have you ever tried to see things through my eyes?
Have you ever tried to think the way I think?
Have you ever made the faintest attempt to understand who I am and who I want to be?
Pride, ego, and discipline:
the words I live by, the words I treasure.
Some say follow your heart,
others say let your mind lead you,
but sometimes I can’t help but feel I must satisfy my ego.
Of me, much is expected:
excellence,
perfection,
awe-inspiring work.
I’m no miracle worker,
people set their standards too high,
yes, I try my best but I can only do so much.
My ego thrives off my reputation,
So to upkeep it I must strive to be the best,
but at times I feel like giving up, like just fitting in and being one of the rest.
Those are the times I fear,
How could I want to be mediocre?
I’ve never been part of the masses.
My grades are good, I test well, but still I want more,
Jealousy, I know, is no virtue but
Still I envy those who have what I lack; natural intelligence.
The geniuses of the world are sometimes
the most stupid for they feel they have something to prove,
but I wish I just had the chance to be exceptionally brilliant.
Did you know this about me?
Have you ever known what I think of at night when I’m alone in bed?
Have you ever wondered what I see of myself?
Probably not because if you had you would have been more understanding,
you probably would have understood me better,
you probably would have known my decision was final.
Pride goes before the fall,
but I rather fall with pride and poise than to not show my pride at all.
You should’ve known that,
understood that,
and respected that,
Had you known me at all.
Do you truly know me?
I know you say you love me,
is it because you are supposed to
because I don’t think you’ve ever seen me at all.





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