If I had known you were looking for me, I wouldn’t have hidden
behind the words of a song, or under the covers of my bed
where my dreams are all I know.
Had I hidden and you’d found me anyway, I’d have run
away with you.
But not for long. Just a day or so, to a place
where time is no vice.
Where the rustle of trees is the bustle of cities,
and the serene silence of the world around us
speaks
the only words needed.

If I had known you wondered I would have told you:

I’m happiest when I breathe.

When I feel alive.
My heart pounding out of my chest and into yours as we embrace.
The wind watering my eyes,
The rain hiding my tears.
The vibrations of my voice penetrating
the child’s ear resting on my chest,
resonating through their tiny bones.

When I am free.
Opening my eyes under the surface
of the sea.
Singing symphonies
in the tops of trees.
Dancing under the stars on a clear night
when none fall.
No wishes to be made
because none are needed.

When I’m real.
Listening to the drops fall
from your cheeks,
and seeing your heart fall
off your sleeve and onto mine as I hold you tightly,
so you know you won’t lose who you are
or who you want to be.

And that, I want,


To be whole.
Have someone to hold me back when I’m lost,
and push me away when I’m stuck.


To let myself change,
like the clouds in a rally of wind currents.
The sun peeking through, glaring into my eye and deep into my soul,
inviting me to live with light.

If I had known you were looking for me, I would have told you
I’m right here. Out of hiding,
Making my dreams a reality and writing words
to my own song,
singing them without shame.