The dancing club

March 31, 2009
By Mikal SILVER, Brooklyn, New York
Mikal SILVER, Brooklyn, New York
6 articles 0 photos 41 comments

THE DANCE CLUB

All I can hear is stomping on the floor in
a nice melody.
All I can hear is music
playing from the band.
All I can hear is laughter and joy.
I hear the Charleston.
I fell love
in the air.
I fell soul
in their hearts.
I fell happiness
in their brains.
I am the Charleston.
‘Cause were ever the
Charleston goes
I’ll be there

The author's comments:
Hey, My name is Mikal, I'm a male. I am trying to become a song writter . I love writting songs. I live in Brooklyn!

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This article has 8 comments.


Jessie4736 said...
on May. 18 2009 at 11:53 pm
idk wat the charleston is but i like the poem

on Apr. 28 2009 at 1:31 am
splatterpunk PLATINUM, Phoenix, Arizona
40 articles 0 photos 48 comments
bro it is only a bad poem if you make it one. I like it. It does need work and you know what that poem of mine that you read "stupid society" I had rewriten 15 times. Keep working on it. The thing is if you want to be a song writer you have to hold the Idea keep writing don't lose your site on the page keep a look out for beats and rythems let it flow like a good techno song or a good rock tune. don't go fancy I did simple and easy language everyone knows. I only gave it a natural rytheme and beat it comes out only one way. That is the secret just let it flow. This poem has potentional don't give up on it you say its bad make it better. This is only advice you want more advice on song writing I can tell you email me at nsk92@yahoo.com that way you can learn how to let it flow. It is easy once you get the hang of it. love each and every poem and don't give up on that dream of that poem give it a life give it a pation give it every thing love and nurture the poem or song like a baby. and no Im not a perfetional song writer Im just a dude that cared for a poem and worked at it.

on Apr. 23 2009 at 11:02 pm
Green_Eyed_Irish PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
31 articles 0 photos 17 comments
Hi Mikal! I actually really like this poem. I do, however, agree with EdytD. It could be much improved if you took the everyday words, such as 'nice' or 'joy' and dug up the ol' thesaurus and got creative.

Also, I believe you meant 'feel' not 'fell' :)

EdytD SILVER said...
on Apr. 21 2009 at 10:33 am
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments
hey, it's not that bad, honestly! It could be a great poem; what I would do is take the vague comments such as a "nice melody" and instead give more concrete imagery like you do in your poem about life - tell something that the readers will be able to relate to. Also, just on a grammatical note - were ever is spelled wherever. ;)

Mikal SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2009 at 3:20 pm
Mikal SILVER, Brooklyn, New York
6 articles 0 photos 41 comments
Can everyone read my other poems?

Mikal SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2009 at 6:33 am
Mikal SILVER, Brooklyn, New York
6 articles 0 photos 41 comments
Check out my other poems

Mikal SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2009 at 6:28 am
Mikal SILVER, Brooklyn, New York
6 articles 0 photos 41 comments
This is my worst poem! Pleases check out my other poems! They are better!

Mikal SILVER said...
on Apr. 13 2009 at 1:45 pm
Mikal SILVER, Brooklyn, New York
6 articles 0 photos 41 comments
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