My Name | Teen Ink

My Name

November 2, 2017
By Zoom7 PLATINUM, Joliet, Illinois
Zoom7 PLATINUM, Joliet, Illinois
42 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Sanée Lee Scavo is her name, watery syllables when said right, otherwise its' nails on a chalk board.
Tethering letters on a string, knotted string.
Unique names set a fire under her bum, but simple causes an eruption.
Very long ago in the past she smuggled away, before she was barely even a spec she was Tic-Tac.
When will Sanee's name be pronounced correctly, when will someone pull her from the black.
Exporting pronunciation.
You're throwing a rock in the sky hoping it won't come down, your howling to the moon.
Zigzagging through a mist of different nicknames.
Another fog that follows her around.
Before electronics her name sung with Native Americans and floated with the French.
Computers always auto correct her name to sane, checking her sanity, red falls like leaves.
Dipping through the fog was her whole original unicorn of a name unlike any other disappearing.
Ever so slightly falling apart, Sanée is only six letters.
Friendly faces are trying but no one will ever see through the black.
Giraffes are tall, turtles short she is perfect; when will she see?
Hoping someone will see beyond the abyss dividing us.
I am Sanée Lee Scavo when she spoke her voice backed away.
Just Sanée will do.
Keep on trying till you hit the right notes.
Look behind that smile she wears to the old soul beneath the surface.
Many try, most get close, but all end up failing, she is a rose amidst tulips.
Not any other name, Sanée  is perfect for her.
Open to a never-ending name.
Pounding at the open door.
Quietly mending the bridge.
Reason for an everchanging name is unfathomable and hopeless.

It never said it wasn't sensitive, she cares too much and too little.
Just the lie of words dry and bold, just grey raining down like ashes.
Kindness they said as words color our skin.
Looking for a cure to her name, corrections clawing at her throat.
Making the words that hide in the back ground come alive.
No words just feelings written on a page now thrown away.
Orange and white peek from inside herself.
Quite a sight to see.
Sanee is not the stages star.
Travel near and far reacting too much.
United letters make words.
Venom of emotion drip deeper into her blood stream.
Washing her clean.
X-rays don’t show feelings or hers would ride on her forehead.
You're not the only one who is sensitive.
Zip up the jacket of emotion.
All feelings jumbled together red tastes like gold but smells like green.
Black diving over her and swirls around her.
Cots she lays in, beds she hopes in.
Hats for every emotion but some stick.

Fingers missing skin, her stomach in knots. 
Got feelings imbedded so deep she can't rip them out.
Hot under all the covers.
Illnesses burning the air shivering
Knotted hope with fear, sadness with anger.
Liquid pain slips through the cracks in the skin.
Many panic stricken late nights.
Numbing sensations from no sleep.
Open books, sporadic notes.
Pleading she must not do too much.
Quitting in being perfect.
Reopen the greatness.
Sanée is smart what a label you have to work for.
Too much pressure, too much work.
Uranus study's science wonderfully.
Volunteering to fix her, never.
Water Sanee whole again.
Xavier is unlawfully unobservant.
You're not wrong to say she is worried over nothing.
Zapping her stress away with a single word.
Air is cold and blue.
Breathe is short and focused.
Consternation is key.
Echoing silence.

Inferior milk,
Pain black stricken corn flakes diving inside her,
Now she is black and blue.
Hundreds of rotten veins, 
Miles of crisped skin claustrophobic in the naked wrinkled shirt.
Her world is a traffic circle.
Unimportant mass of her,
Sanee is a cold uncertain smell of fear.
How come these walls won't collapse?
No eye contact,
Every one tugging a black blanket over her uncaring head.
She, raw wood, can taste fear,
Heart beats,
Empty promises,
Dream of secrets,
Secrets don't scream anymore,
Her pain is sour like lemons to her mouth,
Pride sticks to the roof,
She is dismayed at her disillusioned self,
Her  mouth cracked dry,
Nothing ringing, asphalt puddles of grey days,
Plunge the dirty pain further,
Groups of eyes run away,
Morning gone in a blink of a second,
Her taste buds blur,
Memories of fingers laced,
Sanee is tumbling down a blue wormhole,
Dodging poisonous colors,
Smokes put out a flame.
She was alone, the lights dim for those of us skeptical of others.
Empty desks fall apart.
Hope drop notches.
Electricity of smiles is missing.
Winners lose, Losers win.
Sanee has no one.

Sanee has everyone.
Smiles never looked so stale grey.
Too smart, to believe.
Too dumb, to recognize.
Reflections speak to her,
And rocks listen back.
They pick and choose but never her.
Alienated is Sanee.

Dr. Scavo the second, has a ring to it.
Every other person on her mom's side is a doctor.
Faces of concern.
Graphing emotion.
Hording what life may bring, a little lost we found our way.
I wish I was Sanée Lee Scavo.
Just no one else she would rather be in the yellow of today.
Keep hoping yellow won't fade to blue.
Lemons are grey.
Mrs.Scavo, someone will call her mom someday.
Not going to be a friendly gestor.
One kid would be plenty.
Planning on a white wedding filled with bright people.
Quite a place to be.
Rough memories fall like ashes.
Sparks shimmy away.
Today she became a Scavo.
Unicorns no longer dream.
Venom is now missing.
Willing life to stay as perfect as it is.
X-rays from the past leaping to catch up.
You understand life changes.
Zoos of families' form.
A new life she began.
Before she was ever Sanée she was herself.
Collected her destiny unknown to all and that is what makes her Sanée Lee Scavo.

She had to write one last sentence just to break a thousand words, because that is who she is.

The author's comments:

My name is both beatiful and a pain when no one ever says it right.

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