December 22, 2017
By Anonymous

The day starts with an alarm clock waking me up
and it’s not an actual clock,
it’s this piercing voice screaming in my ear
telling me it’s time to get up
I feel like I have just trained for a marathon
and all of the sudden I have all of this energy
Then all of that energy goes away when I walk down the stairs
I could just feel like all of my insides were fighting with me
and telling to shut down my body
It’s kind of like the feeling you get when you get bitter news,
you soul just jitters with the blues
When people say being the oldest is amazing
I feel like they are lying because it’s not all it’s cracked up to be
It’s kind of like the crazy clown in the  circus
trying to juggle all of the bowling pins at once
I can hardly remember all of their ages
and their names
let alone my age and name
I get no privacy which for a teenager is a necessity
I have all of these little words in my head telling me that I can
I can’t be heard and that I am just a little bird
that is going to be stirred into the herd do this but I don’t believe that one bit
Sometimes I just feel like crawling into a ball
and giving up but I can’t because then what happen?
I know the whole house will crumble to pieces
But that is besides the point,
I love when i’m reminded I am the oldest of ten being an older sibling even though I wish people would not remind me
because it makes me scared for just a quick second most of the time I want to rip all of my hair off and call it a day
Most people like being at home
and I find any way to get out of my chaotic house,
but then I feel bad and end up going back
Being the oldest of ten is like riding a wave,
but it’s a big wave and it has a lot of bumps that comes with it

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