Four Stages

December 20, 2017
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I can't let you go.

 

you stood there staring at me

you promised we'd always be friends.

did you hear me?

begging for you to stay?

did you hear

the pain in my voice

when I asked 

what I had done wrong?

when I wondered

why I was never enough for you

and all too much

at the same time?

 

I can't let you go.

 

I have to move on.

 

you didn't see me standing behind you

when I saw you with that other girl.

did you hear my ribs cracking?

the sound of my heart still breaking in two?

it's been three months

and I can't get you out of my head.

I realized

I've never seen you more beautiful

then when you were walking away from me.

I hope you're miserable

but I want you to be happy.

is it still heartbreak if you can no longer cry?

 

I have to move on.

 

I am letting you go.

 

you stared right through me today.

i can only faintly remember

the sound of your voice

but it doesn't hurt

as much as I thought it would.

is that worse?

where did we have our first kiss?

I can't find any of our old conversations. 

I burned all your letters.

were your eyes

the colour of chocolate

or caramel?

did you prefer coffee

or tea?

I am starting to forget

and I am grateful for it.

 

I am letting you go.

 

I have moved on.

 

I forgive you

for the explaination I never got.

I think a lot about how 

you never wanted me to be happy

if I wasn't with you.

I am happy now

and I don't feel guilty for it.

it's been six months

and I don't think of you 

anymore.

sometimes I wake up glad

that you are not next to me

but I hope you are well.

some guy bumped into me

on the street yesterday

and I thought it was you.

your ghost still haunts me.

 

I have moved on.

 

-have I really? (o.m.)






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