i feel like hitting the walls till my knuckles bleed. hitting them until the pain is gone and all can see my pain they thought petty. i feel like ripping apart madness and showing its guts to the world: here look! look what we all hold but it seems only i can see! i want to sit down in a crowded room and rock back and forth until tears flood them all out. i want them to wonder why every person they have touched has fallen and not risen. i want to stand up and yell FIRE until my lungs have exploded onto everyones hearts. i feel like grabbing their souls and tearing them to shreds to find the goodness in them and to leave them with only that. i want to be able to live without feeling guilt that someone else has cried and i couldn't help.
March 22, 2009